It's Not Over - Chapter 8 - Painful Reminders

[madbottoms]

 

Title: It’s Not over

Chapter: 8/? –  Painful Reminders

Genre: AU, Jack/Ennis

Warnings/Rating: PG to NC17. Violence/non-con

Summary: Jack and Ennis are reunited following fours years apart after being forcibly separated. Can they rebuild and move on?

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie. Any original characters I claim as my own.

A/N: I should probably give another hanky warning. Mega angst again, and some violence and attempted non-con. J Thanks as always to Jodi for the beta. Any remaining ‘oops’ are mine.

 

~~~

 

Jack woke to an empty bed and knew Ennis would be out in the fields already or in the barn somewhere working. He looked at the clock and saw that he’d slept through most of the morning. He felt so drained, the blowout the previous evening coming back to him and threatening to overwhelm him. Ennis had been so mad and Jack had really thought Ennis was going to hit him. How could he have ever thought that? But he’d been so scared and all he could see was his father, like he did when he’d been set upon in prison. Sometimes, though, those memories were so debilitating that he would just shut down and go somewhere else. His mind just floated away and he closed himself off to the pain. He was just thankful he hadn’t lashed out at Ennis. He didn’t want to think of what he would have done if that had happened.

 

He was a fucking mess and he knew it. Ennis really didn’t deserve this shit from him. He should just pack up and leave. Maybe that would be better for both of them in the long run. Maybe he should have just cut Ennis lose when he was sent to prison. He’d made a real mess of things back then and broken Ennis’ heart through his own stupidity, and it seemed that's what he was doing now, all over again.

 

~~~

 

Jack waited for Ennis in the shack they called home. It had become a habit of his to wait up for his lover on the nights they weren’t together. They each had their own friends, ones they also shared. They gave each other the space for that to work, and it had - for the most part.

 

At least until now. Jack had become suspicious of late and started to question Ennis’s whereabouts, but only in his mind - never out loud. Keeping it to himself had been a mistake and when Ennis went out that evening, Jack had followed. He’d felt ashamed in not trusting his lover, but his suspicions were confirmed when he saw Ennis greet a good looking man and slide in close next to him in a back booth of the bar. At that moment, Jack’s heart fell and he turned around went straight home.

 

When he got home, he sat there and stewed for a while, then grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and began to drink in the dark. He remained that way until he heard a truck pull up outside and Ennis walked through the back door.

 

“Where the fuck ya been?” Jack asked angrily, his voice slightly slurred, startling Ennis as he flicked on the light.

 

“Are you drunk, Jack? Why didn’t ya wait for me? We coulda’ had a little party. If ya know what I mean.” Ennis grinned.

 

“Oh, I reckon ya got what ya needed already, Ennis.”

 

“Say what?”

 

“Ya cheatin’ on me, Cowboy?”

 

“The hell ya on about? Ya must be drunk if ya think that.”

 

“Well, now let’s see, Ennis.” Jack tilted his head and looked sideways at Ennis, as if thinking and took a gulp of amber liquid before continuing, “I’ve heard mention ya been frequentin’ the local bar next town over.”

 

“Who told ya that?”

 

“Don’t you mind who, bud. I know.“

 

“Is this jealousy I see, Jack?” Ennis teased.

 

“This ain’t no fuckin’ joke, Ennis. I saw you, tonight. You were with someone.”

 

“Ya followed me?” Ennis bristled. “What the fuck?”

 

“Yeah I did. Good thing too because now I know you’re steppin’ out on me.”

 

“What? I don’t believe this! And if you mean who I think ya mean, it ain’t nothin’.”

 

“Nothin! Fuckin’ nothing’ ya say. You been goin’ off at least three times a week, sneakin’ off and keepin’ secrets from me. I wouldn’t call that nothin’,” Jack accused.

 

“It’s not what you think, Jack. He’s a contact Bill put me onto, to help us get this farm started.” Ennis had wanted it to be a surprise. He guessed it was, but not a happy one considering Jack’s current behaviour.

 

“That’s a bit of a stretch, Ennis. Why don’t ya just admit it? Am I not giving ya what ya need? My ass not good enough for ya anymore, Cowboy? Ya already need some fresh blood? It’s only been a year, Ennis. Warranty’s up, time to trade in,” he quipped, taking another slug of whiskey.

 

“Jack, yer drunk. Let’s sober ya up and we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

 

“We’ll talk about it now!”

 

“I promise darlin’, it’s not what ya think,” Ennis swore. “I love you and no one could take yer place.”

 

“I don’t fuckin’ believe ya.”

 

“Where’s this comin’ from, Jack? You know me, at least I thought you did. I’m not cheatin’ on ya.”

 

“Don’t lie to me.” Jack threw the bottle and it shattered against the wall. “You’re a fuckin’ liar,” Jack cried.

 

Jack was makin’ no sense to Ennis. He was fallin’ apart before his very eyes. Jack couldn’t be that insecure about their relationship to believe something like that. But then there was still so much about Jack that Ennis didn’t know. As much as he knew Jack loved him, sometimes Jack was a closed book to Ennis and he had to take Jack as he was.

 

“Jack, I’m not lying. Please believe me, darlin’,” Ennis pleaded, but Jack turned away. “Jack? Don’t turn away from me.”

 

Jack felt as if his world was crashing down and none of it made sense. In his heart, he knew Ennis couldn’t do such a thing but then he could hear a voice telling him he wasn’t worth loving, that he was useless. The nights alone and then seeing Ennis with another man compounded the irrational thoughts and had him accusing the man he loved of cheating.

 

“Jack, please?” Ennis reached out to touch him and in his inebriated state, all Jack saw was something coming at him and he automatically struck out to protect himself, connecting with the side of Ennis’ face.

 

“Umphhh!” Ennis reeled back in shock and just stared with a shocked look of hurt on his face.

 

“Oh, fuck, Ennis, I’m so sorry, honey.” Jack tried to touch Ennis to comfort him but he wouldn’t have any of it.

 

“Get the fuck off me, Jack.” And he pushed him over, causing him fall on his ass.

 

“I’m not fit to be around. I fuck everything up. He’s right, I don’t deserve to be loved.” Jack wrapped his arms around his knees and rocked himself. “I don’t deserve you.”

 

“What are ya talkin’ about, Jack?”

 

Jack ignored the question and picked himself up off the floor and stood in front of Ennis and looked at the bruise already forming on Ennis’ cheek. “I'd never hurt ya on purpose.” This time when Jack tried to touch him, he allowed it. Jack softly caressed his injured cheek. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’ll never hurt ya again.” Jack kissed Ennis softly. “See ya, Ennis.”

 

Next thing he knew, Jack was out the door and tearing down the driveway in his truck. And the next time Ennis saw Jack, he was lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life - while another man had already lost his.

 

And when Jack finally woke, he'd never felt more worthless in his life.

 

~~~

 

After dressing, Jack poured himself a coffee from the pot warming on the stove and sat at the table trying to figure out what to do. He was falling apart and dragging Ennis down with him> He needed to get out of there. He needed to talk to Rufus.

 

Grabbing his keys and coat, Jack walked out the back door to his truck and hopped in. He sat there for a moment, trying to decide if he should tell Ennis that he was going, or where he was going, for that matter. He decided against both, thinking it would only start another argument and he really wasn’t prepared for that right now.

 

Turning the engine over, he shifted into gear and reversed out of the carport, ready to head down the drive. As he did, he saw Ennis coming out of the barn. “Damn it!” He didn’t need this now.

 

He shifted gear again and began to move off.

”Jack, where ya goin?” Ennis called out.

 

“I’ll be back later. I gotta go.” And he took off in a cloud of dust.

 

“God damn it, Jack!” Ennis yelled after him. “Fuck!”

 

Ennis really had no idea what to do anymore. He had tried so hard to get Jack to talk to him, to tell him what he was feeling. For Ennis to want to talk was an accomplishment in itself but he would do it for Jack. He would do it for both of them. Normally, Jack was the one who would always talk about his feelings, he had always let Ennis know how he felt. About everything. But now he could hardly get him to say more than two or three words sometimes.

 

He had a good idea where Jack was going. It was obvious. Whenever Jack got like this, he would run to Rufus. That damn man spent more time with Jack than he did. It was a bit of a sore point with Ennis, along with the fact that Jack hadn’t had the courtesy to even introduce them yet - if he had plans to at all. Ennis didn't begrudge Jack having friends, he was just put out that Jack was being so elusive and down right ignorant about this point. And besides, Rufus had gotten to spend four years with the man, while Ennis had nothing more than a dozen visits a year and sometimes less. It was his time now and he intended to make sure both men understood that. It was time for Jack to come back to him for good.

 

Ennis needed to finish his chores before the day’s work went to shit and then he would make his way over to the house of the man that he really wanted to hate, but found that he couldn’t, because no matter what relationship he had with his lover, he had protected him in prison and that was one thing he would be grateful to the man for forever. However, that time had come and gone and now it was up to Ennis to take over. It was his time to protect and take care of Jack. It had been his job since the day they met.

 

It was time for him to take the reins again. Time to bring Jack back where he belonged. 

Next part - http://madaboutms.livejournal.com/16294.html