Born This Way - Chapter 27

[madbottoms]

Title: Born This Way 27

Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, John, Gray, Owen, Toshiko/Tommy, Suzie, OCs

Rating: NC-17

Warnings/Contains: Supernatural themes, character death, drug references.

Summary: Sequel to Choices - Ianto Jones was born and raised in Hell, but he isn’t feeling as demonic as usual lately—thanks to Jack Harkness. But you can’t desert Hell without consequences and suddenly Ianto’s and Jack’s happily ever after may not be so happy.

Note: Because you are all so brilliant and consistent with your comments, here is a bonus early chapter. But hold on because in this one all Hell breaks loose.

27

*~*

You belong to me

~*

Jack

Ianto’s in Hell. That’s all I know. Is he safe? Dead?

I can’t believe he’s changed back—that he’s not human anymore. That he’s not mine. I don’t know what I expected, but I shouldn’t be surprised, because I did it. I didn’t want him. I hated him.

But I always loved him.

I still do.

But that doesn’t change what he did. There’s nothing he could ever say to make me trust him again.

And John shouldn’t trust me. I spent the rest of last night after he left trying to convince myself I don’t want him. But it’s bullshit. I do.

He told me to stay home, behind Dad’s field. So, why I’m driving to Ianto’s apartment, I don’t know. I guess I need to be sure he’s really gone before I can let go, move on. Seeing is believing, as they say.

I nearly drive away when I pull into his car park and see the Shelby. But I don’t. I park near his building and sit here forever, fighting the panic that’s vying for control. I catch myself rubbing the rabbit’s foot and fingering the sharp edges of the shiny silver key dangling from the key chain in the ignition. Finally, I pull the keys, step out of the car, and walk into his building. I feel weak and sick, and I have a hard time keeping my legs moving. Memories flash: meeting Elle that first day right here at the door, hauling the dresser up these stairs, Gray’s fall. I almost turn around as the weight of these feelings crush my courage. Pushing myself, I start up the hall.

Cautiously, I stick my key in his lock, trying not to remember what I found inside the last time I did that, and jump when I hear the soft voice from just up the hall.

“Jack?”

I feel shaky and light-headed as I turn toward Elle, where she stands in her door.

She steps cautiously toward me. “I really need to talk to you, Jack.” Her voice is soft, scared.

I blink, trying to clear my mind—to make myself see her as I know she is: a succubus and King Lucifer’s consort. But she’s just shy, frightened Elle.

Elle, who was in bed with Ianto last time I saw him.

My pulse pounds in my ears as I swallow back the bitter bile rising in my throat. “What do you want?”

Her eyes fall to her shoes. “He’s not in there,” she says.

I pull my key from the last of the deadbolts and push the door open. She’s right. The apartment is empty. I turn back to her. “What do you want?” I repeat, fighting to keep my voice even.

She moves guardedly toward me. “I just…” She trails off as she reaches me. “Can we talk?”

I push the door wider and she slouches through. I follow and close it behind us. My eyes scan the apartment again, and when they fall on the bed, I can’t help the ache in my heart or the tears that well in my eyes. The memory of me and Ianto—and everything I thought that meant—is overshadowed by the image of him in that same bed with Elle. I spin on her. “Just say whatever you have to say then leave me alone.”

She lifts her eyes to mine and takes a tentative step toward me. “I didn’t want him,” she says.

I see them together as clearly as if it were happening right now, right in front of me. “You could have fooled me,” I spit.

Her eyes lock on mine and I’m surprised by the sudden strength I see in them. And something else. Something hot and incessant—and ancient. “I want you.”

Suddenly, I’m paralysed by crippling desire. She slides across the floor toward me, where I’m backed against the door, and presses her body into mine. My eyes close as a burst of ecstasy shoots through every cell of my body. I feel her hot breath on my cheek and I moan as I push back into the door. But then her hand is on my face, caressing. Her finger traces the lines of my cheekbone, down my nose to my lips. I open my eyes, and instantly, I’m mesmerised. My pulse races, but it’s only partially from fear.

I suck in a ragged breath as the room starts to spin; then everything blurs as her lips lock on mine. An electric tingle rips through me, and when she tries to pull back, I don’t let her. I feel her smile into my lips when my arms, which had been pushing her away, start pulling her in.

“That’s it. Just go with it,” she whispers.

And at her words, my mind flashes to Ianto—how lost he was in her. I feel something—black, ugly, old—swirl inside me, trying to take control.

I pull back and shake my head as alarm bells start ringing in my mind. Instinctively, I grab her arm and twist her into a neck-lock.

But just as quickly, she spins out of my grasp and backs away from me. “It doesn’t have to be like this, baby. You don’t know who I am—what I can do for you.”

“Don’t you dare call me that,” I growl. I feel new strength rise in me as I stare down the real object of all my anger. “And actually, I do, Lilith.”

She looks stricken. Her face falls and her eyes glisten with tears. “Was it John? What did he tell you?”

“It wasn’t John,” I say, thinking of my father’s face when he told me about Lilith. How he lost his wings to her.

She lowers her lashes. “Daniel,” she whispers, as if reading my mind. She looks back into my eyes, hers deep and full of pain. “He was special to me. My first angel.”

I look away before her eyes can mesmerise me again, and I feel rage build inside me. But then I remember the sadness on her face when she met Dad that day in the garage and almost believe her. I’m flooded with random emotions—sorrow, pity, shame, lust—till my thoughts are a tangled mess.

“Special?” I spit. “What about Gray? Ianto? Were they special too?”

Something dark creeps across her face. “Their lust keeps me alive. Without them, I’d die. So, I guess they’re all special in their own way.”

I spin for the door and reach for the handle when she adds, “But not as special as you.”

I press my hands into the door and struggle against the wave of desire that threatens to take me under.

When I turn back to the room, she’s there, just inches from me. The urge to reach out and pull her to me is almost irresistible. My body aches, my need for her totally raw on every nerve ending.

I can’t breathe as I close the short distance between us and press my lips to hers. A moan that’s almost a growl rolls up from her depths as she presses closer, pushing me back into the door.

After a minute, my already racing heart races faster when I try to catch a breath and can’t. Elle is literally smothering me with her kiss. There’s something thrilling about the thought of dying in Elle’s arms. I shudder and crush myself into her, my lungs screaming for air. It’s almost as if she’s sucking the life out of me—and I want her to.

The kiss of death.

Terror prickles my senses, mingling with the intensity of my lust for Elle. I’ve never experienced anything like this— emotions totally raw and out of control. I tug at her clothes, needing to be closer, and feel her fingers press into my throat, cutting off my minuscule air supply. Stars flash in my eyes as tiny bits of bliss surge through me.

Her lips slide from mine and trace a burning path across my cheek to my ear. “You’re mine,” she whispers as her grip tightens on my throat.

Over her shoulder, through waning tunnel vision, I see Ianto’s bed. The bed we shared ourselves on. The bed where he betrayed me.

With Elle.

At the thought of what Ianto and I had—what we lost— grief fills me. The hot tear coursing down my cheek snaps me from my trance. Something in my heart tightens as the warning in my head grows louder. And then it’s John’s voice that I hear.

She’s a demon, but not.

I keep my eyes focused on the bed—on my grief—as I push away from Elle, knowing that I couldn’t find the strength if I was looking into her eyes. With great effort, I manage to create some space between us. It hurts more than I would have thought to push myself away from her, an aching need that pulls to my bones. Her hand on my throat doesn’t loosen, and it’s almost a comfort to still be connected.

But as she squeezes tighter, trying to keep her grasp on me, my lungs feel as though they’re gonna explode. Stars flicker brighter in my eyes, and panic sends a surge of adrenaline through me. I tug her hand from my throat and twist her into an arm-lock, spinning and throwing her face-first into the door. Blood rushes into my head so fast, it makes me dizzy. I feel warm and cold all at the same time as my body tingles back to life.

“What do you want with me?” It’s almost a sob as it escapes my raw throat.

She turns her head to the side and looks over her twisted shoulder at me. “Everything. You belong with us—with me.”

Even though I don’t look in her eyes, I feel her draw on me intensify with her words. Suddenly, I know she’s right. I know without a doubt that she and I are supposed to be together. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.

But as I hold her pinned here, I remember Ianto holding me in this same spot not that long ago. I can almost feel him pressed against me, his breath in my ear as he whispers I love you with everything that I am.

Fresh tears spill onto my cheeks as I remember, knowing now that he didn’t really mean it. But the memory helps keep my head clear, and I push away from Lilith, backing into the middle of the room.

“I’m leaving.”

“Sorry, Jack. No can do.” She looks almost sad as she says it, but something in her deep green eyes tells me she means it.

“Move,” I say with as much bravado as I can muster. She continues to stand with her back against the door and shakes her head.

I move to shove her out of my way, but she lunges for my arm, pulling me into a choke hold.

“Don’t make me do this, Jack.”

Before she can cut off my airway again, I swing my leg out and catch her in the knee, forcing her to loosen her grasp. I twist out of her arms and back a few steps toward the bed. “Let me go.”

“I have orders. My king wants you. I can’t let you go.”

“I’m tagged for Heaven. You can’t take me.”

She looks pensive for a moment. “A technicality. But with Ianto and Gray…gone—” The smallest smile curves her lips. “—things aren’t looking so etched in stone.”

I skirt past the table, inching closer to the door. She turns and follows my movement but doesn’t counter. I slide past her and reach for the door handle, but just as my fingers brush the cool metal—my freedom—she knocks my hand away.

Her face darkens. “This is for real, Jack. I get what I want, in case you haven’t noticed, and right now I want you.”

I breathe against the electric tingle that ripples over my skin, and reach for the door handle again. She lunges at me but I block her, grabbing her arm and planting a kick into her knee, buckling it. She drops onto the other knee, and as I punch my hand into her face, she comes up under me and takes my legs out. I fall back, hitting my head hard on the door, and feel a trickle of blood through my hair as I pull myself back up.

“Just come with me, Jack. Please. This can be nice. Easy. I can make you feel things you can’t even imagine.”

“I’m never coming with you.”

A shadow passes over her features, and suddenly she looks frightened. “You have no idea what He’ll do to me….”

“I have a pretty good idea,” I say, and can’t help the sarcastic edge to my voice. “The Fiery Pit?”

She shakes her head as her face pales. “That’s for His minions. For me…” She shudders and trails off, hollow eyes in a haunted face, as she clutches herself around the waist.

I almost feel sorry for her, but I know now that that’s her ploy. I fell for the helpless act before and let her tear my world apart. I’m not falling for it again.

I use her distraction to make a move for the door again, but her foot swings out, connecting with my hip and knocking me back a few steps. We move through the apartment, exchanging blows, and Lilith manages to always keep herself between me and the door. She looks as bloody as I’m sure I do.

Panic surges through me with the vague thought that I’ve never been in a true fight for my life before. Nobody in the studio can beat me. But they’re not Lilith. And they’re not actually trying to kill me. Then I remember myself. If I’m gonna have a chance, I can’t panic.

Breathe. Balance. Sway…

Ianto would tell me to use my Sway.

She launches a kick at me. I block it and spin out of the way, trying to decide what I’m supposed to convince her of.

I’m tagged for Heaven. You can’t take me.

She doesn’t even hesitate before lashing out with another kick that connects with my chest, pushing me back into the wall. I shrug off the wall as she charges me.

You don’t want me.

This time she does hesitate, just for a split second, but it’s enough time for my hand to connect with her right eye.

She wheels back into the table and it nearly topples.

“You’re good,” she says, a thread of admiration in her voice. She wipes a trickle of blood from the corner of her eyebrow and leans back into the table as if she’s giving up.

I drop my arms and take a step toward the door. When she makes no move to stop me, I breathe a sigh of relief and glance in that direction.

That’s all she needs.

Her foot comes at my stomach, fast as lightning, knocking me onto my back on the bed as all the air explodes from my lungs in a painful whoosh. In a flash, she’s on top of me. I wrap my legs around her and try to twist her into a leg-lock, but she doesn’t budge, and neither does the pillow she’s holding over my face.

My air is gone and I can’t get it back. The pillow keeps me from getting a full breath. I gasp for air and claw for the crucifix around my neck. Tugging the chain from my neck, I slash at her with it.

“I like jewellery as much as the next girl, but I’m not a demon, Jack,” she says, pulling it from my hand. “So, unless you’re trying to give it to me, there’s really no point.”

My strength starts to drain as stars flash in my eyes. My lungs burn. The more I kick and claw, the brighter the stars get, till my limbs feel so heavy that I can’t move them. And just before the world goes black, I feel a sickening tug at my insides, like someone is pulling my guts out through my belly button.

When I open my eyes, the world looks different. I feel unsettled. Everything is fuzzy and distorted, like looking in a fun-house mirror. Part of it is blurriness because of my swollen right eye. But that’s not all of it. I shift my gaze from the ceiling to scan the room—the toppled chair, the bloody streak on the door. A ripple of panic tears through me as I remember Lilith. I jump from the bed and look around, nearly falling over as a wave of dizziness overtakes me. My body doesn’t move how I expect it to and I stagger as I gain my feet. I feel off. Completely foreign in my own body. I spin and take in my surroundings, looking for Lilith. But what catches my eye is me.

My body is laid out on the bed, pale and unmoving.

Me? Am I dead?

How can that be me? I nudge my motionless body.

Nothing. I feel for a pulse at my neck. It’s there, but barely. Dread creeps into my consciousness, and a vague sense of terror tickles my mind, but never fully develops.

With cold objectivity, I look at the bloody hand on my lifeless neck. A human hand with painted blue nails.

I move to the mirror on the back of the bathroom door, and there Lilith stands, bloody but intact, staring back at me from the glassy surface. I raise my arm—and so does she. “Welcome to my humble abode.” Lilith’s voice isn’t the sound my vibrating ear drums would create if she were talking. It’s an echo inside my head.

No!

Lilith smiles at me from the mirror.

I look back at myself on the bed and am vaguely aware that I should have seen this coming. I have Sight. The last time I almost died, I saw myself dead before it happened. I should have gotten some warning. Does that mean I’m not really dead?

“Technically, you’re not,” comes Lilith’s echo in my head.

She senses my confusion and, with triumph in her voice, continues. “I took you to the edge of death—close enough to free your soul. If I actually killed you, the celestials would have stolen it, and that would have been totally unacceptable. You belong with me.”

I look back at my body. “I’m not dead?” I say out loud. But it’s not my voice I hear say it. It’s Lilith’s.

“Yet,” she answers in my head. “Without a soul, your body won’t last long.”

Dancing in the fringe of my awareness, several truths tease me. The first is that I could will my soul back into my body. I could use my Sway to convince Lilith to let me go.

The second truth is that I should feel afraid, terrified… something. Anything. But I don’t feel any of that, because my thoughts are turning to darker things. Things like revenge, and how much I hate…everyone. How good it would feel to kill someone. The fleeting notion that that “someone” should be Lilith is replaced by one overpowering thought.

Ianto.

Everything that’s happened to me, to Owen, to Gray—it’s his fault. Suddenly, I want him dead for what he did, for his betrayal.

I let cold rage have me. It feels so good to let it take control, not to have to hold back. A rush of adrenaline makes me shudder as I walk to the bookshelves, pull one of Ianto’s ancient volumes of Dante from the middle one, and rip a chunk of pages out of the middle of it. I throw them in the air like confetti. I’m not one hundred percent sure that the dry laughter I feel more than hear is mine, but it spurs me on. My arm sweeps the books from the middle two shelves into a pile on the floor before I move on to his CD racks, where I pull handfuls from the shelves and throw them through the still closed window into the parking lot below. The chime of shattering glass feeds and blends with my laughter. I pick up a shard and run it across my palm, drawing a thin crimson line in blood across it. When I lick it off, I savour the metallic salt taste of it as it rolls over my tongue. My moan is a sound of desire…longing. Then I hear my voice—but not my voice.

“I want…”

Lilith’s voice is a whisper in my head, enticing in its promise of forbidden pleasures. “What, Jack? What do you want? If you could have anything, do anything, what would it be?”

I picture Ianto, his body moving under mine, vulnerable. I shudder in anticipation as I imagine pulling the shard of glass slowly across his chest, his neck, his face. The blood from my hand mingles with his blood—a blood promise.

That’s what I want: to watch Ianto die in the throes of lust.

To drag his soul to Hell and to watch it burn in the Inferno. The image of the Inferno is clear in my head. As clear as if I’d seen it a thousand times.

“Very nice.” Lilith’s voice is seductive, encouraging. “We’ll make a great team, Jack. I can teach you so many things. And when you’re ready, my king will find you a suitable body.”

A thread of fear twists through me at the mention of King Lucifer, but almost before I sense it, it’s replaced with lust. Lust for Him and for His power. An overwhelming wave of desire crashes over me. I need Him. I need to be in His presence.

“That can be arranged,” Lilith says, and I feel her own shudder of anticipation blend with mine.

Suddenly, the air is charged with static electricity. I feel all the hair on our body stand on end as the charge works through me, waking every cell. I tingle all over with need. I breathe deep against the light-headedness and my racing heart as I wait for Him.

Then a wet ripping sound fills the air, and in a flash of red fire, He’s here.

He’s immense and powerful. I gasp at His beauty and shudder again as He starts to glide toward me, silent and eager. His black, leathery skin seems to absorb all the light around Him and radiate it back out His sharp, angular face through His glowing green cat’s eyes. His twisted blood red horns are encircled within a spiked golden coronet: a reminder of His unending power. And as much as I want Him—need Him—I’m rooted to the floor. I can only watch in awe as He stalks slowly toward me, His lips pulling into a leer.

 “Finally, you’re mine again,” He rumbles. “It’s been so long.”

As He reaches me and sinks the claws of His hand into my shoulder, pain and indescribable pleasure swirl through me.

“Remember,” He rasps, low in my ear.

He wraps me in His wings, and I have the sudden sense of familiarity, comfort—the fleeting image of a beautiful angel with deep green eyes. I feel His lips burning into my forehead, and His power course through my body, like being plugged into the universe—fire—burning alive— agonising bliss. In that eternity, no longer than the blink of an eye, a part of me dies, a little at a time, till the world is a dark swirling pit, full of depraved thoughts, degenerate ideas, and destructive feelings.

The world is Hell. I’m lost in the dark. Then…there’s nothing.


*~*

Yep, I know...cliff...hanging....