madbottoms | The Spirits Within 6b/21 + epilogue (Reply)

Continued....

The gondola suddenly stopped, swinging back and forth before coming to rest, hanging in the air over the city. Ianto glanced around, but Jack hadn't left his position against the middle pole of the car. He seemed as surprised by the sudden stop as Ianto was.

Ianto nodded, then went back and checked his monitor. Since they weren't moving, there was no need to keep staring at it. And if he was right about the automatic teams, there was no point in calling anyone just yet.

"Listen, Ianto," Jack said. "I-"

"I'm still mad at you," Ianto said, interrupting him before he could go any further. If he was going to have this talk with Jack, he was going to take the offensive.

"You're mad at me?" Jack asked, clearly surprised.

"Leaving your helmet on in the transport yesterday," Ianto said. "Not telling me who you were. Doesn't that seem a little childish to you?"

"Well," Jack said, shaking his head, "I was just a little upset when you packed up and left without saying a word. And not answering my calls is a little more than childish I would say."

Ianto turned and looked out the window at the barrier-covered city below. It was a beautiful sight, but tonight he didn't much care about the beauty. "Well, now you know what was going on," he said after a moment of silence.

"Yeah," Jack said, "now I know."

"So, I'm sorry," Ianto said. And he truly was. He had wanted to tell Jack. He’d thought about it a number of times, and come close to calling him at least twice, but the Doctor had sworn him to complete secrecy. Until today, he couldn't make himself break that promise. Not even to Jack.

"Well," Jack said, "me, too. So we're both sorry."

Silence again filled the gondola. A very uneasy silence that Ianto had no idea how to break.

"So," Jack said, "would you tell me about them?"

"About what?" Ianto asked, looking into his eyes for the first time in a long while. He could see real caring and love and concern still in those eyes. And that relaxed him. Jack wasn't disgusted by the alien particles trapped inside him.

"About the spirits you've collected," Jack said.

Ianto nodded. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to even begin. It had all happened so fast, yet the beginning seemed a lifetime ago.

"I was infected by a Phantom during an experiment. Normally, with my type of infection, no one would have survived."

"The last day I saw you?"

He nodded.

Jack stayed where he was against the pole, but he could tell he really cared. "How did you survive?"

"The Doctor," Ianto said, remembering that day—as if he could ever forget those events. The moment he had gotten infected, he had thought he was as good as dead. But the Doctor wouldn't hear it. He had moved faster than he had believed possible.

"How?" Jack asked. "What did he do?"

Ianto shrugged. "Technical stuff, mostly. In essence, he created a membrane around the infection, keeping me alive and the infection trapped. It worked, and we discovered right then that the first spirit wave was me."

"You?" Jack asked.

Ianto nodded. "My spirit forms part of the wave that is the opposite of a Phantom spirit wave. It is the only reason I am alive today. It was enough to trap the Phantom particles and keep them from immediately spreading and killing me."

Jack nodded.

"The second spirit was a fish. We got lucky and found it almost at once."

"A fish?" Jack asked.

Ianto nodded. He had had trouble believing it at first as well, but it had been a fish. "Its wave added to mine made the shield inside me even stronger. Each spirit we find controls the Phantom particles and makes my shield more secure."

Jack nodded, clearly understanding what he was saying, so he went on. "The third spirit was a deer I found in a wildlife preserve outside Moscow. The fourth, a bird. It wasn't easy," Ianto said, laughing. "Ever try to track a sparrow from outer space? It's no fun." He looked into Jack’s eyes and then laughed. "What am I saying? You probably would love that."

Jack laughed, and even more of the tension filling the stalled gondola eased. "You're right, I probably would."

"And then there was that plant I collected in the old city," he said.

"I thought that was number six?" Jack asked.

Ianto had hoped he wouldn't catch that.

"You skipped one," Jack said. "What was number five?"

Ianto sighed and stared at the non-moving images on the monitor. "The fifth was a little girl, dying in a hospital emergency room."

"You're not kidding, are you?" Jack asked.

He shook his head and stared at the empty screen as he talked. "I told her everything had a spirit. Dogs, cats, trees, little girls, even the Earth. I told her that she wasn't dying, just returning to Earth's spirit, the Vortex."

The silence again filled the gondola as Jack waited for Ianto to finish. He could remember that day so vividly. Just thinking about it brought tears to his eyes. He glanced up at Jack. The concern in his eyes touched him. He did care about what Ianto was going through, what he had felt, so he finished the story.

“The little girl told me that she was ready to die and that I didn't need to make up stories to make her feel better." Ianto took a deep breath. "Imagine, only seven years old and ready to die."

Jack moved over beside him and put his hand on his shoulder. It felt wonderful, but it wasn't what he needed at that moment. What he needed was to get the stupid gondola moving again so he could find the other two spirits.

"I'm sorry," Jack said.

He turned away from his touch and studied his still blank and unmoving screen. "I have work to do."

Jack stayed behind him, his very presence both confusing and comforting him at the same time. Finally he couldn't pretend to look at the monitor any more. He turned and looked up into his eyes.

"You don't really believe any of this, do you?"

Jack shrugged, but didn't turn away. "You're asking me if I believe that all life, even the planet Earth itself, has a living spirit?"

"I am," he said.

"And that we are all born from, and when we die we return to, this Vortex?"

He nodded.

"Honestly," Jack said, "I just don't know."

An honest answer. Ianto would have seen through anything else and Jack knew it.

He reached out and pulled Ianto toward him.

The younger man let Jack hold him, not relaxing into him as much as he wanted to do, but enjoying the warmth of being close.

Jack traced the top of his metal shield just under his shoulder, then ran a finger up his neck, sending shivers down Ianto’s spine. His touch was always so gentle, so wonderful. Why hadn't he let Jack remain part of his life?

"You could have told me, you know," the captain said, his words seeming to come from his mind, their intent soft and without even a hint of anger.

"I know," Ianto said, relaxing into his arms even more. "But I just don't know how long I have left."

"Who does?" Jack asked.

Jack moved to kiss him, and he was going to let him. Ianto wanted him to kiss him more than anything. He wanted to be held and to be told that everything would be all right.

And when their lips touched everything else faded away. Their lips and tongues caressed each other and they held each other tight as if it would somehow make it all better and they could forget about anything else and just live for this moment.

And at that moment when it might have gone further, the gondola jerked into motion.

Ianto pulled away, looked up into the eyes of the man he loved, and then turned back to his now-moving monitor. "I had better get back to scanning."

"I understand," Jack said.

He moved over and sat on one of the benches near the door. And that was where he stayed, keeping Ianto company and giving him silent support, until he had finished his work six hours later.