madbottoms | It's Not Over - Chapter 6

Title: It’s Not over

Chapter: 6/? – Distances

Genre: AU, Jack/Ennis

Warnings/Rating: PG to NC17.

Summary: Jack and Ennis are reunited following fours years apart after being forcibly separated. Can they rebuild and move on?

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie. Any original characters I claim as my own.

A/N: This chapter is mostly flashback and from Ennis’ POV. Angst is present as usual. J Thanks as always to Jodi for the beta. Any remaining ‘oops’ are mine.

~~~

Jack was more distant then ever after the incident in the bedroom. He would try to avoid Ennis where he could and if at all possible, he spoke even less to Ennis. Jack would stay up late and be up before Ennis and already out working or once again spending time away from the farm.

In bed at night though, Ennis got mixed signals. Jack would call out for him and unconsciously seek out comfort from his partner. It was like he couldn’t bring himself to ask for it, but on some level his mind and body did it for him, in that place between sleep and wakefulness. Whenever Ennis would approach Jack about what was happening, Jack would clam up and make a flimsy excuse before walking away.

Ennis grew more frustrated at both Jack for is evasiveness and himself for his own lack of action. Jack's ambiguous behaviour was troubling and as it continued, Ennis became more agitated, unsure of where he fit into Jack’s life anymore or if he even did at all.

Ennis understood that Jack had had a hard time. Hell, he would think it strange if Jack had come out of all this unscathed. But there was more to it than just going through four years of hell behind bars. It went much deeper.

Jack’s feelings of uncertainty and unworthiness made Ennis suspect that there were some deep-seated issues from Jack’s past that may be contributing to his current state. Ghosts of the past had a way of doing that to you.

Ennis had done everything to make Jack feel welcomed home and to give him the sweet life they’d both wanted. It had backfired spectacularly. He’d tried to make Jack see that he’d done it to make life better and easier for them both. But it seemed that Jack had felt like he was redundant. He’d had no input into it and Ennis sensed there was a bit of jealousy there, too.

Ennis had hoped that Jack would be grateful for all that he had done for them and jump in with both feet. What Ennis hadn’t counted on was Jack’s feelings of inadequacy and uneasiness around him. As much as he wanted to make Jack talk to him, to open up, he couldn’t force the issue or he may push Jack further away. But he'd be damned if he would let that happen without a fight.

Jack would say he was fine and that everything was okay. How stupid did he think Ennis was? There were times when Ennis had visited Jack in prison where he would try to evade Ennis’s questions or make up some bullshit to try and convince him things were okay. Ennis didn’t believe him then and he certainly didn’t believe him now.

~~~

In the beginning, when Ennis would visit Jack, there was still a little spontaneity left in Jack, or so it seemed. But soon enough, Ennis sensed it was a front that Jack was putting on for Ennis’ benefit. Then even the thin mask that Jack tried to wear slipped away and the light in his eyes and spring in his step were gone. The smile in his voice that Ennis loved so much had been taken away with his pride and freedom.

Ennis was under no illusion that jail was a picnic. The Jack he knew was strong and could usually get through anything. But this was an entirely foreign situation for both of them and Ennis really couldn’t compare it with anything else they had faced together before.

To the observer, Jack and Ennis were cousins and at first, Ennis hadn't understood Jack's reason for pretending a familial connection on visitation days. He explained it was easier to give the appearance of a close-knit family, and any overheard conversations containing 'family' news or personal comments wouldn't draw any extra attention. Even the hugging and sitting close, or the occasional elbow and shoulder nudge were viewed as normal, acceptable behaviour to most onlookers. It appeared the ideal solution and seemed to be working out fine.

Of course, that was before Ennis starting taking notice of the things Jack wasn't letting on about. On his second visit, he noticed a slight limp and poorly concealed wince as Jack had sat down next to him. When he questioned him, it was explained away as sleeping wrong on the horrible mattress they provided. The third visit, it was the fading discoloration around his eye and across his cheek that was questioned.

“Just a small disagreement with a basketball, Ennis,” Jack said, looking at Ennis. “Nothin’ to worry about.”

Ennis didn’t believe that, but he didn’t push. He let Jack know he wasn’t happy and let it go this time. It wasn’t until the next visit that he knew he had to say something. Jack had welts over his right hand and as much as Jack tried to hide it, it was more than noticeable.

"Fuckin’ hell, Jack, those look like tread marks from someone's boot pressed into yer skin!" he growled softly. "Who did this to ya? Are they here now?" He started to glance around, but stopped when Jack paled and grabbed his arm with his uninjured hand, digging his nails in a bit.

“Ennis, please? It’s nothing. Just let it go. Don’t go makin’ a scene,” Jack implored, looking around as if someone might be watching.

“Jack, don’t tell me it’s nothing. Look at yer fuckin’ hand! Somebody did that to ya and that don’t sit right with me.” Jack could make all the excuses he wanted but that’s all they were. He could see the fear and pain on Jack’s face and it broke Ennis up inside to see him like this.

"Please, let it go. Ya need to let me handle this...please! Do this for me, Ennis, I'm begging ya... just listen to me!"

He took several calming breaths before finally speaking, but when he did, it was through a jaw clenched so tight, his back teeth ground together. "Alright, bud, I'll hear what ya got to say."

"Ya think all those stories ya hear about prison can't possibly be true, that nothing could be that bad, right?" Jack's low, measured words alarmed Ennis, who sat up straighter, straining to catch each word. "But then one day, without warning, your whole life changes in an instant. Except it's not just yourself that's effected, it's also the people in your life. Ya just don't realize what a nightmare it can be here."

Jack glanced at Ennis, and then just as quickly looked back down. "I know how things work now, what I have to do to survive. Please, don't cause a scene and bring more attention where it ain’t needed. I got it handled. I don't want trouble, and we don't need people thinking about things that ain’t their business. This is my fault, and it's my fight, cowboy. Please, I need ya to help me do this, to pull this off. I can't be thinking about ya out there, being worried about me in here. We both just need to get through this, Ennis, the best way we can."

Ennis sat with his hands fisted in his lap, listening to Jack beg him to understand, seeing how fearful he was. It dawned on him that there really wasn’t anything he could do to help Jack, except be there for him as much as he could. Not being able to protect Jack was especially hard for him, though.

“I just wanna be able to protect ya, Rodeo. God, I wish I could take ya away from all this shit. Yer alone in here with no one to help ya or to talk to.” It was hurting him to know that Jack had to fight to protect himself.

“I know, Ennis. But ya can’t protect me. Rufus is around a lot, though.”

“Who the hell is Rufus? What’s he got to do with this??” Ennis sat up straighter.

“Calm down, Ennis. Rufus is a friend. My cellmate. He’s okay. He helps me out when he can, ya know?”

“No, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me about it?” Ennis asked, his voice low and almost menacing.

“Look, Ennis, I don’t want to talk about that now, okay? Ya don’t need to worry about that. Besides, our time’s almost up.”

It seemed as if Jack just wanted to brush it all under the table as if it was nothing. And that was how the next few visits went as well until Jack was mostly withdrawn. All Ennis could do was keep telling Jack he was there for him and convey his love the only way he could. Ennis showed his love through simple gestures and eye contact, as limited as it was, and even these small signs seemed to make Jack fidgety.

Time went on and the months slowly passed. They didn’t talk about much now, except some small talk. It was strained and they found it difficult to say what they really wanted, or needed to say to each other. Ennis just wanted to take Jack in his arms and hold him tight and tell him everything was gonna be okay. Sometimes when he looked at Jack, he saw the same need in Jack but then it was gone. And that’s how Ennis knew things weren’t okay and that they wouldn’t be, not for a very long time.

On his next visit, Ennis was informed that Jack had fallen ill and wasn’t able to have visitors until he recovered. Ennis questioned the prison official and was told very little. Because he wasn’t Jack’s immediate family, they were not able to divulge anything more than that. He argued that being his closest living relative should count, but even that fell on deaf ears. Ennis was livid and almost got himself arrested for his trouble.

Ennis would ring the prison for updates, only to be told that he was still ill and nothing more. It was almost more than he could bear. He knew, though, that he had to rise out the storm as best he could, for as long as necessary. Take the good with the bad, even though Ennis couldn’t see any good in anything if he and Jack couldn’t be together.

He was having a hard time on his own and sometimes found it difficult finding the will to carry on, but he knew he had to. He had to be brave and strong for both of them, because he could see that Jack had lost those qualities, dealing with all the shit in his world right now. He had to carry on and he would, the best way he knew how.

After not being able to see Jack for a while, Ennis had felt the need to spend some time in the mountains. This was where he and Jack had made a promise to each other and it was where he felt closest to him. It was bittersweet, though, because as close as he felt to him there, he had never felt so lonely in his life. Jack was the other half of him and he wasn’t whole anymore.

Ennis used this time to reflect and plan for the future. He and Jack had a dream and it was about time he started thinking seriously about it. He would work out what he needed and make a better life for Jack on his release. Ennis formulated ideas as he rode the through the mountains, breathing in the crisp mountain air.

While riding through an unmarked part of the mountain, Ennis was fortunate to come upon a herd of wild horses. He pulled up his mount and watched them as they grazed in the open field. It was an amazing sight and Ennis smiled at the beauty they possessed and projected.

Ennis had a way with horses and he managed to charm his way in with some of horses on the fringe of the herd. He was able to corral them and bring them down the mountain the next day. His goal was to start a premium breeding and stud service, and with this stock, he felt he had a good chance.

They were absolutely gorgeous, both in looks and in spirit. Just like his Jack used to be. He hoped his lover would be able to get that spirit back, and when all this shit was over, they could finally have their dream life together.

With this new venture, he had something positive to focus on. Ennis had a new energy and the determination to do what he needed to succeed. He just needed a little more luck to go along with his hard work and sweat.

From then on, things began to pick up. Bill Cobb mentored Ennis and gave him a few names and numbers, which put him in contact with many of the area ranchers, as well as some local cowboys that still travelled the rodeo circuit. This was enough to spread the word and get some interesting the new business. Bill offered to help finance his venture and from that, Ennis was able to erect adequate stables and a decent barn. The business also incorporated both training and boarding and after a while, it began to grow through word of mouth.

Bill also loaned Ennis a couple of ranch hands and together they made things happen. The stables, the barn, outbuildings and things like the corral and training centre were surely looking good. The farm was scattered with animals and a nice vegetable patch was growing out back.

Ennis continued to work hard, damned hard to get their spread going and keep it going. It was looking real promising and he couldn’t wait for Jack to be part of it, too.

When Ennis was next able to see Jack, he saw a different man sitting at the table across from him. It seemed the fire was completely gone, no sparkle left in his eyes. Ennis noticed that look of fear from last time was gone and that was a good thing in his books, although it seemed to be replaced with a blackness. He looked into Jack’s eyes and all he saw was a gaping hole where his spirit used to dwell and all that was left of Jack Twist was a shell of the man he used to be.

There were moments when he thought he saw some of the old Jack. A small smile here or a look in his eyes. But it was gone almost as soon as it appeared. At one point, Jack had asked Ennis to stop visiting but Ennis kept coming. He made a promise not to give up and he wouldn’t. He couldn’t begin to understand what it was like for Jack inside, all he could do was try and be there for him as much as he could, and hold on.

Where had his beautiful, life-loving Jack gone? Ennis wanted to know. He couldn’t get any answers from Jack, he could hardly get any reaction from him at all. But he didn’t stop trying. He would talk to Jack and mention little bits about the farm. Giving him clues and trying to encourage Jack to guess what he might mean. But it was no use, because the person sitting with him now wasn't the same man that entered these guarded walls. Jack was like a stranger, and he wasn't sure how to break through that shell.

“I’m not giving up on us, Jack,” Ennis swore to him. “Ya here me? I can’t give up.”

~~~

“I can’t give up, darlin',” Ennis murmured to himself.

Even if all his efforts got him nowhere, he had to keep trying, and keep loving him, no matter what. He had to find a way before Jack was too far out of reach.

TBC