Choices - Chapter 18 Part 1
Sep. 21st, 2011 07:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madbottomsTitle: Choices
Chapter 18 – Hell Bent
Pairing(s)/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Owen, Tosh, John, OCs
Rating: NC17 (overall)
Warnings: supernatural themes, violence, m/m pairing
A/N: It’s been a week since Ianto’s big revelation and now it’s Jack’s turn to give up some of his own secrets. Enjoy.
18 – Hell Bent
*
JACK
o-o-o
It’s almost comical to watch these guys. They’re so busy trying to hate each other that they don’t see how much alike they really are. Well…alike except for one being all tall dark and dangerous and the other blinding me with his radiance. But other than that…
I’m starting to get my mind around some of this. In the week since Ianto and John filled me in, they’ve both backed off to give me space to think. And John’s backed off in other ways. We’re hardly ever alone together, and he’s hardly touched me. Which I’m not sure I’m happy about. I haven’t asked him why, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with Ianto’s comment about losing his wings. In any case, I have made my choice.
All the white in John’s kitchen creates a glare and I’m not sure John’s not adding to it. He glowers at Ianto, and Ianto stares him down, challenging him.
“It’s beyond my comprehension how, after everything you’ve seen, you can still have that attitude. The only reason the Almighty doesn’t send another flood is that the first one was useless.”
John shakes his head. “People do stuff every day to prove you wrong. Completely selfless acts of kindness.”
“I disagree. Nothing is selfless. At the bottom of every good deed, there’s a self-serving motive.”
“Dude, you need to lighten up.”
I roll my eyes. “Give it up, John. He’s hopeless.” I open my calculus book on the kitchen table and push my empty bowl aside. “I know you guys are geniuses and all, but finals start tomorrow, and I’ve got to study or I’ll lose my scholarship and be stuck here forever.”
Ianto looks at me and smiles. “Just curious, but what’s the deal with going so far away for school?”
“Well…partly ‘cause it’s on the other side of the country. But really, they have the top international relations program in the country, and I’m thinking I can double major in political science or maybe Middle Eastern studies.”
Ianto raises an eyebrow. “And do what?”
I feel warmth creep into my cheeks. “I think most of the crap that happens in the world today is ‘cause people don’t know how to talk to each other. You know ‘cause of differences in culture or religion. Stuff like that. That’s why I started the whole penpal thing. I wanted to try to understand. So…I guess I’m thinking I’d like to do something bigger. Not quite sure what or how…”
John smiles. His glow is blinding me. “Lofty goals.”
“Shut up,” I say, embarrassed. I know how stupid it sounds, what I want to do, but I’ve always wanted it. I’ve always been good at talking to people, helping them find common ground. Like now, with Ianto and John—although I think their only common ground might be me, so I guess that doesn’t really count.
“And you think you’re going to make a difference?” Ianto’s expression is serious now.
“Probably not. But it can’t hurt to try,” I say.
“You will make a difference, Jack.” John is suddenly as serious as Ianto.
“Will I? I’m not so sure I’ll get the chance.”
Ianto and John share a wary glance. They know I’m right. Then Ianto looks hard at John, and behind his eyes, there’s anguish. “Tag him.”
“You’re even dumber than you look, Hell Boy!”John says with a sardonic smile and a shake of his head.
“What’s stopping you?”
John’s expression darkens and his eyes shift to mine. “Jack’s stopping me.”
My stomach lurches. “Hold up. How am I going to have a life if I’m tagged by Heaven? How is it any better than be tagged for Hell?”
I watch as Ianto struggles with the answer. “The Almighty…” He hesitates and glances at John for confirmation. John nods and Ianto continues. “He won’t use you as…poorly.”
“But He’ll still use me. It won’t be my life anymore.” Resentment and anger are threatening to take control of me. I stuff then back into the black pit. “I don’t want to be Moses or Hitler. I want to be Jack.”
John finally speaks. “If you’re tagged for Heaven, I can protect you. It would be extraordinarily difficult to reverse your tag, and eventually they’ll stop trying. If you remain untagged, they’ll keep trying until they have you.”
“And so will you.” My heart sinks. There’s no way out of this. Suddenly I feel claustrophobic—trapped and terrified. I slide my book in front of me with shaking hands. “So, do you guys get this stuff?” I say, needing a distraction.
Ianto’s worried gaze lingers a moment longer, but he takes my cue. He pulls my book toward him. “Which one are you working on?”
I slip my paper out from under his fingers, and he jerks his hand.
“Ow!”
John cracks a smile. “Ow? You’re kidding right?”
When Ianto lifts his hand and turns it over, a tiny bead of crimson liquid is sprouting on the tip of his middle finger. A paper cut.
“Well, that answers that,” John says.
Ianto just stares, open mouthed, at the growing bead of blood. Then he turns to me with a tentative smile on his lips just before he loops his other hand behind my neck and pulls me into a kiss.
When he finally lets me go, I look into his smiling eyes. “What did I miss?” I ask, a little breathless and totally confused.
He grins. “Demons don’t bleed.”
*
IANTO
o-o-o
I try to wrap my mind around what this means on the way home, but I’m having a hard time. Am I mortal now? Am I turning human? I think about what that would mean for Jack and me as he sits next to me in the car with his head on my shoulder. My pulse pounds in my ears—something new—as I think about all the possibilities. Can we be together? Really together?
But a downside to turning human is that the thread that binds me to the nefarious in thinning. Good and bad. Good because I’ve decided that they’re a bunch of assholes and I don’t want to be associated with them any longer, or in their heads anymore. Bad because I can’t tell when they’re here, I can’t protect Jack from them.
I take my right hand off the wheel to pull a small box out of the console and wrap my arm around his shoulder, holing it out in front of his face. “I have something for you.”
“What is it?”
“Well, how it works is that you usually take the box and open it,” I say with a grin.
“Jerk,” he mumbles, grabbing the box and yanking it open. He pulls the crucifix out by the chain and watches it dangling there for a long minute.
“Put it on. The cross is iron with gold edging, and the Jesus is silver and platinum.”
He looks at me, a cynical expression almost masking the mischievous gleam in his eyes. “I can see that. If you’re trying to lure me into bed with gifts, this was the wrong choice.” He doesn’t need anything but himself.
I can’t help but chuckle. “That really wasn’t my intention. Well not right now anyway.” Jack blushes. “But I will note that for future reference.”
“So… is this a joke?” he says warily.
“No. It’s a weapon.”
“I thought it was vampires that have a problem with crosses.”
“They do. But in this case, the other side keeps saying ‘Jesus saves’ and I’m hoping they’re right.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Every demon has a weakness—something programmed into us by King Lucifer at the time of our creation to keep us from becoming too powerful.” A product of His paranoia, no doubt. “Mine is gold. I don’t know what Saxon’s is or Lucy’s, but this crucifix hits on the most common weaknesses. I want you to wear this, and if either of them comes near you, gouge it into them or scratch them with it. It will at least slow them down a little.”
“You really think I need this?”
I turn away from the road and look him dead in the eye. “We need all the help we can get.” I watch as his eyes widen. He loops the chain around his neck and fingers the crucifix.
“Why is this happening?” he asks, his voice deceptively calm.
My grip on the steering wheel tightens. “I don’t know.”
He looks up at me with big, wounded eyes. “Whatever John thinks I’m supposed to do…I don’t want it.”
“I don’t think it’s a choice. Your Sway is something you’re born with, like blue eyes or blond hair.”
“But I can change those things—wear contacts or dye my hair.”
“That’s not really changing them, it’s just disguising the truth. Your Sway is going to be difficult to hide.”
He sinks into the seat, dejected. “How can I make them all just leave me alone?”
“I don’t think you can. Hell won’t stop coming for you until you’re tagged, one way or another.”
He groans and slumps down further into the seat. “I just want to be me. I want to have my life.”
I reach for him and he drops his hand in mine and I squeeze it. “We’re both going to find a way out, Jack. I promise.” I just have no clue what it is yet. I stare out the windshield, because the only way out I can see for him is to let John tag him. “Jack?”
“Yeah.”
I hesitate. “Will you tell me about your brother?”
He lifts his head and looks at me warily. “Why?”
“Because I can see how much you’re hurting.”
His face darkens and his eyes look haunted. “What do you want me to say? I killed him. End of story.”
“I know that’s not true.”
He pulls her hand away from mine and folds his arms tightly across his chest sullenly. “Yes it is.”
“Tell me what happened?”
He turns to face the window. “No.”
“Please, Jack.”
I reach for his hand again, but he yanks it away. He turns back to me, his expression feral and snarls. The bitter scent of garlic rolls off him, filling the car. “Get out of my face, Ianto.”
I pull a deep breath. “It might help to talk about it.”
My sympathetic tone only serves to aggravate him more. “Nothing’s going to help. He’s dead!” he spits.
I pull over to the side of the road and he reaches for the door handle. Before he can open it, I grasp his arm. “Leave me alone, you bastard,” he shouts, his voice full of emotion.
“Let me help, Jack. Please…don’t push me away now.”
With surprising strength, he pushes me hard into the door. “I…hate you,” he curses. But there’s no conviction. He sounds defeated, spent. His face drops into his hands as all his anger dissolves into tears. When his sobs slow, I brush my hand across his cheeks, wiping the tears away. He silently stares back at me as a few more roll down his face.
“We were playing ball out front.” His voice breaks with every word. “He loved to kick it around and he was so good at it.” His body shakes as he stifles a sob. “He was way better than me. He always beat me.” He turns his head away from me and leans on the door. He makes a sound like a wounded animal, somewhere between a whimper and a growl, and then he’s still for a long time.
“What happened?” I finally prompt.
He heaves a sigh. “I was so mad…” Before he can finish the thought his voice chokes off.
I slip my arm around him and pull him to me. He leans into me and I hold him and say nothing until he’s ready to talk. When he does, his words are barely audible. “I hated that he was always better than me so I…I kicked the ball away in anger…and it went toward…toward the…road and…” He pauses and I pull him tight to me.
I continue for him. “He got hit?”
He nods and whimpers against my chest. “I ran for Mom, but…” His voice is a raw wound, catching in his throat with every word. “He was my…twin…the other half of me. And I killed him.”
And there goes my brimstone heart, shattering into a million pieces. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper into his hair. “But you were only seven, Jack. It wasn’t your fault.” I hold him tight and wish there was something more I could do for him. But even my magic can’t banish his personal demons. He’s got to face those on his own. All I can do is hold him while he cries.
As I sit there holding him to my chest, feeling the sobs rack his body, I wonder if love truly does conquer all, because otherwise, despite what I promised him, I think we’re screwed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2011-09-21 03:24 am (UTC)I wonder if Jack's parents/family know the guilt he's carrying around with him? Poor Jack.
no subject
on 2011-09-21 04:13 am (UTC)Ianto is changing for sure. Jack has a power about him.
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on 2011-09-21 06:16 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-09-21 06:36 am (UTC)There's still some more of the journey to go but it won't be too long before we know exactly where everyone ends up...well to a point.
more...
on 2011-09-20 11:47 pm (UTC)Re: more...
on 2011-09-21 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-09-21 03:08 am (UTC)Oh Jack... *holds him close*
no subject
on 2011-09-21 10:37 am (UTC)So maybe I should be your notification this time -
PART 2 is up! Enjoy.
no subject
on 2011-09-21 06:43 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-09-21 10:51 am (UTC)More real soon.
no subject
on 2011-09-21 02:51 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-09-21 09:19 pm (UTC)