It's Not Over - Chapter 1 - Coming Home

[madbottoms]

Title: It’s Not over

Chapter: 1/? – Coming Home

Genre: AU, Jack/Ennis

Warnings/Rating: PG to NC17.

Summary: Jack and Ennis are reunited following fours years apart after being forcibly seperated. Can they rebuild and move on?

Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis belong to Annie. Any original characters I claim as my own.

A/N: After being inspired to write a few one-shots for S & L’s LoveFest and getting such supportive feedback I wanted to have a go at writing something longer. This is my attempt, well the start of it. I’m not sure how long it will be but I am hoping at least 10 parts at this stage. Don’t think I could sustain anything more than that. Not sure of my posting schedule either. I am hoping for at least one chapter every week or so. Thanks to Jodi as always for the beta. Any remaining blemishes are my own.

 ~~~~~

Stepping through the massive steel gates, Jack Twist squinted into the bright sunlight and wavered slightly, raising his hand to protect his eyes from the almost blinding rays. His eyes watered like he had been shut away in the dark too long. Becoming slowly accustomed to the glare he looked around, searching for something, someone – and there he was.

Ennis del Mar stood leaning against his Ford truck, hands in his jeans pockets and a smoke dangling from his lips. A tan cowboy hat sat upon his blonde curls, shading his own eyes from the harsh sun beating down.

He was free, finally free but found himself routed to the spot, staring across the parking lot. He’d been in hell for so long and there he was, his angel, his lifeline. Ennis had been the reason Jack had kept on living. The reason he’d held on. 

Ennis took a long drag of his cigarette and then threw it to the ground, stubbing it with the toe of his boot and then looked at his watch, checking the time for what seemed like the hundredth time since he pulled up. Then as if feeling someone watching him, Ennis raised his head and spotted Jack staring. Whiskey brown eyes met periwinkle blue as both men realised the enormity of the occasion and then smiled as they finally began moving, before embracing in a fierce hug.

"’lil darlin’" Ennis breathed into Jack’s ear, as he held him tight.

"Damn, Cowboy," Jack’s voice broke as he melted the embrace.

It seemed they stayed like this forever, neither willing to give up the freedom they now had to touch like this. On the days when Jack thought his next breath would be his last, it was thoughts of this moment that kept him from giving up; not only on himself, but on his future.

Reluctantly, Ennis pulled away, mindful they were standing in the car park of the penitentiary. He looked into Jack’s eyes and saw them shining with tears. He caressed Jack’s cheek with the back of his hand and used his thumb to wipe a stray tear that had fallen.

"Let’s go home, Rodeo."

"Yeah. Home."

They threw Jack’s meagre belongings into the back of the truck and headed back to the place Jack used to call home. But for the past four years, Jack’s home had been a tiny little dogbox of a prison cell and a yard full of mangy mutts that got let out to play sometimes.

Jack did his time like everybody else and tried to keep his nose clean. Sometimes that was easier said than done but he had survived. It was hard, real hard but he was free now. Free to be with the man he loved, free to come and go as he pleased and free from the filth and degradation of being an inmate. He swore there was nothing that would ever make him go back again.

Jack’s own stupidity and jealousy had put him where he was today. His own feelings of mistrust drove a wall between the only good thing in his life and he had fucked it up. And after one particular volatile argument, Jack struck Ennis and had taken off. Jack went to a bar and got shit-faced before getting back behind the wheel of his car.

He didn’t remember much after that. All he knew was that he woke up in the hospital a week later and when he was coherent enough, he was charged with manslaughter. In his drunken state, Jack had lost control of his vehicle and crossed over the other side of the road and hit an oncoming car, killing its driver.

From that moment Jack’s life changed forever. And Ennis' as well. The question now was...could they rebuild what they had four years ago, or had too much time passed for them? Was it naïve of them to think they could just jump right in with both feet and continue on from here, in the same vein as always? Only one way to find out.

There was no conversation on the ride home and that was okay. The silence was not awkward, it was rather comforting. After the constant noise of a crowded prison Jack was happy to have relative quietness. Although traffic noises buzzed for a time, soon they were out on the open road headed for home.

Jack leaned against the window frame and closed his eyes as the breeze embraced him like a welcoming friend. The wind somehow felt different on this side of the fence, somehow cooler, sweeter smelling. He moved his head around trying to feel it from different angles, hungry, greedy for more. He couldn’t get enough.

After a time, he felt the truck slow down and turn off the road. As they hit dirt, Jack opened his eyes and didn’t recognise the place he left four years ago. The little run-down shack that looked as if a small breeze could knock it over and reduce it to rubble was gone. What he saw now was a house that stood proud.

It was of a similar design but looked sturdier and had a veranda around it. It was nestled in a three-quarter ring of planted trees, to protect from the harsh winds and winter snows, but left open to the west. The front of the house faced that direction to accommodate the spectacular sunsets viewed from the comfortable chairs dotting the front porch. To the left and right of the house were a large barn, a few smaller outbuildings and a coral. It seemed Ennis had made a lot of changes since he’d been gone.

In the distance, the rolling hills and small mountains stood, a beautiful testament to time and the land itself, giving the place a spectacular backdrop on their little world. The house itself didn't take away from that, but instead, the log cabin design blended with the area, as was intended, as did the ancillary buildings. One glance and you could tell it was made with love and respect, which described both the man who had built it, and his feelings for their land.

Jack was overwhelmed as he remained seated in the truck, soaking in the sights all around, as if it were his first time. In a big way, it was; certainly Jack looked at life differently now. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped out, waiting for Ennis to do the same. They met by the front bumper, and stood staring into each other’s eyes.

Feeling compelled to comment, Jack mumbled softly, "You've done wonders here." And in the pause that followed, Ennis heard the unspoken '...without me.'

Ennis knew that the first few days were gonna be tough, but he was determined to be there and help anyway he could. The question was, would Jack want that, and if so, would he let him? It had been so long, and Jack seemed a much different person to him. He was unsure of his place now, and Ennis didn't quite know how to change that; he could only be loving and supportive and hope that was enough. God, he hoped that was enough!

"Come on, let's get yer stuff stored and a meal in yer belly. You mus' be hungry by now, 'cause I'm starving. Betsy made yer favourite - venison chilli and cornbread.” Ennis hoped it still was. He remembered Jack always used to rave about Betsy’s chilli, could never get enough.

“Oh. That was nice of her. Can’t believe she’s still tidying up after ya?” Ennis huffed playfully Jack’s barb.

They walked up the few steps onto the veranda, then straight through the screen door, into the main room.

Once inside, Jack was once again taken by the changes. There was no longer the ratty furnishings that once littered their home but fine modern looking furniture that was spread throughout the open living area.

The thing that immediately captured his eye was the massive fireplace, made of local river stone, reaching from floor to ceiling. It was centrally located, with the living area, dining room and kitchen each benefiting from both it's warmth and it's aesthetically pleasing appearance. All three rooms blended with the house's natural look and feel, with heavy wood furniture that was as comfortable as it was sturdy. Beautiful earthy tones were present in everything from the curtains to the throw pillows, to the floor coverings, and even the kitchen towels. It was like bringing the outdoors in, with the open floor plan allowing for full appreciation of the house's design. Everywhere he looked, he saw a reflection of Ennis, and when he looked closer, he realized his lover had included him in the form of pictures and personal mementos. It was as if it all belonged to him, too, and he was profoundly grateful. Yet, he felt out of place, like he didn’t belong here and it scared him more than he wanted to admit.

"Ennis? What…? Where…?" Jack was overwhelmed by his surroundings. Everything had changed so dramatically.

He had to swallow hard around the lump in his throat before he could speak. "You like it, bud? I hoped you would. I wanted it to be a surprise and well….that’s why I never told ya."

“I…um…” Jack felt dizzy and his breathing became laboured. The room began spinning and before he knew what was happening, he crumpled to the floor and sobbed.

"Fuck! Jack?!" Ennis crouched beside Jack taking him in his arms and rocking him gently. "It’s okay, baby, I got ya. Hush now, sshhhh. It’s gonna be okay." Ennis soothed him until the sobs ebbed and he could feel Jack’s breathing even out. So much so that Jack had fallen asleep in his arms as they sit on the floor.

Ennis was able to manoeuvre them without too much trouble so that his back lean against the couch. They remained like that for a time and when Jack woke, the sun was just beginning to set behind the far off mountain ranges.

"Well hey there, darlin’." Ennis kissed Jack’s temple.

Jack turned and looked up, seeing the love in Ennis’ face and it made him want to start bawling again. It was all so overpowering. Being home after so long was both a relief but also very scary. Everything was sensitised in him and he was finding it hard to process. But he knew with Ennis there, it would be alright.

"Hey, Ennis. Sorry about that," Jack apologised. "Didn’t mean to fall apart on ya.”

"Hush now. No need for apologisin’.” Ennis didn’t need an apology or explanation. He understood there would be a need for adjustment and a lot had changed since Jack had been gone. “You okay now? How about we get ya settled in and then enjoy some of your welcome home dinner."

"Yeah, sounds good, Ennis. Um… the bedroom…is it still...?" He asked hesitantly.

"Sure ‘nough. Some things have changed but not everythin’." Ennis smiled gently. "Everythin’ ya need is in there. Just holler if ya need me for anything."

"Thanks Ennis." Jack turned toward the bedroom but was pulled back by Ennis and hugged from behind. "I missed ya so much, ‘lil darlin’,” he breathed shakily. “Four years, Jack.”

"I know. I missed you, too, Cowboy." Jack held onto Ennis’ arms as tears threatened to engulf him again. "So much, Ennis." Jack turned in Ennis arms and wrapped his own around the slender waist and stayed that way for a while, clinging to him.

"Okay," Jack said as he blew out a breath he’d been holding in and let go. "I need to go wash up and you mentioned dinner?" he smiled, the smile that always made Ennis’ own face light up.

"You bet, Jack."

With that, they tuned and headed to do their stuff.

~~~~~

Jack sat on the edge of the bed in a daze. He was home, but it wasn’t the home he left. It was different. Everything was different. Hell, he was different. He was not the same man that left here years ago. It was both familiar and unknown to him. In here, like the rest of the house, Ennis had included him. The framed snapshots, the knick-knacks on the shelves, the scent of his lover warred with the images of the new furniture, the pictures on the new walls, the braided rug under his feet...it was both comforting and frightening.

Could he do this? Did he deserve this second chance, and if he did, would he screw it up? Ennis was and had been so patient and loving and understanding, and he really appreciated that. But that in and of itself was frustrating. Couldn't Ennis see what a mess Jack had made of things? Why wasn't he mad and pissed off at the situation? Why was he so forgiving? Was it really that simple for Ennis, to just pick up and go on as if nothing happened? How the hell could they do that?

Sitting still, Jack let it all wash over him, but after a few minutes he realised that was a mistake. His head was spinning again and his skin was tingling with sensory overload; it was as if his body couldn't contain it all and he was about to explode. The need to get up and move was too compelling to ignore.

He stood up and explored the room briefly, looking in drawers and cupboards and laying out what he needed and went into the adjoining bathroom to clean up. Stepping into the cool spray, he relished being able to take his time and enjoy the simple pleasure of a shower. But the best part was being able to shower alone.

Taking the soap from the holder he liberally lathered his body, cleaning himself thoroughly. Even though he was finally free, he still felt dirty. He let the water sluice over his body and raised his face to feel the warmth, imagining it washing away some of the invisible dirt too, hiding under his skin.

Jack stayed in the shower until his body began to shiver from the water that had now turned cold. He didn’t realise he’d been in for so long. Turning off the water he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel from the rack and dried vigorously.

"Jack?" Ennis called.

"Fuck!" Jack jumped, startled by the knock. Controlling his breathing he replied, "Um…yeah, I’ll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay, dinner’s ready when you are."

Wrapping the towel around his waist, he walked back into the bedroom to get dressed and found Ennis waiting for him.

"Oh…um…hey Ennis. I said I’d be out in a few."

"I know, but I jus' wanted to make sure you found everythin’."

"Um…yeah, found some sweats as you can see." Jack pointed to the obvious pile on the bed.

Ennis stared at Jack, at the half-naked body he hadn’t seen for years, hadn’t touched for years and he could feel his palms getting sweaty and his heart beating faster. He wanted to touch Jack so much, wanted to taste him. He wanted to throw him down and reclaim him. Make him his again.

"Ennis…what?" Jack could see the look in Ennis’ eyes and knew exactly what it meant.

"Jack…" Ennis closed the gap and touched Jack’s chest, rubbing his fingers over a nipple, eliciting a moan from him.

"Fuck, Ennis!"

"Damn, yer so fresh, Rodeo."

And then Ennis commenced to tweak the nipple some more as he latched onto Jack’s mouth, hungrily kissing him, trying to put four years of waiting into that one kiss. He wrapped one arm around Jack and pressed the other to the back of his head. He was like a wild man, sucking and biting at Jack’s lips and tongue, teeth almost painfully clashing.

"Oh God, Jack, yer so fine, I need ya so much." Ennis’ growing erection demonstrating just how much.

"Ennis…please…" Jack barely breathed. So blown away by Ennis’ onslaught he hadn’t been able to step back out of reach. He wasn’t ready for this. It wasn’t that Jack didn’t want to be with Ennis, he just needed time to acclimate himself again and this wasn’t the way to do it.

"Yeah, Jack." Ennis continued as Jack tried to push him back, but Ennis was on fire.

"Ennis… please, slow down." Jack pushed more forcefully.

"Huh…what?"

"I just need for you to slow down, please. I can’t…I can’t… It’s just too much, too soon. I’m sorry.” Jack sat down on the bed and put his head in hands. “And I’m so damn tired, Ennis. I feel like could sleep for a week."

Ennis looked down at Jack and saw a man in pain, not that he could fault him for that. Jack had been through a lot, even though most of it he had no idea of. Jack never talked about life inside when Ennis had visited and Ennis never pushed him. Whatever it was, it had taken some of that Jack Twist sass and spark. Ennis wanted to help him get that back. But to do that Jack had to talk to him. He only hoped Jack would open up now he was away from that place.

"Jack, darlin’? ‘m sorry. Didn’t mean to push. You looked so darn sexy there in yer towel and nothin’ else?" Ennis smirked and got a slight one in return. "I promise I’ll go as slow as ya want, okay?"

"Okay."

"Now why don’t ya get dressed and come and eat. I wanted to make you something myself, but Betsy insisted. You know what she’s like. Tomorrow we can we can do it again. I’ll make something real special, myself. It’s just with the travelling and all today I didn’t have much time to do anything fancy." Ennis ducked his head in slight embarrassment. He had wanted to do something real nice but time didn’t do well this day.

"It’s okay, Ennis. This is special. We’re here together and I get to eat it at my own table. Well… it used to be anyway," Jack said, bewildered. "So much has changed, Ennis. I don’t know where to begin."

"I know, darlin’ and I’ll tell ya everythin’. But that conversation is best left for after a hardy meal and a good night’s rest. Come on, let’s go eat." Ennis held out his hand.

"Um, Ennis? I’ll be out in a minute, okay? I still need to get dressed."

"Sure ‘nough." Ennis kissed Jack softly and left Jack to finish up.

A short time later Ennis was standing behind Jack, moving out his chair. "Come on, Rodeo, you’re fallin’ asleep at the table, time to go to bed."

"Wha…what?"

"Let’s go to bed."

"Oh, okay." Jack let himself be led to the bedroom like a child half sleepwalking and sat patiently while Ennis turned down the bed and then stripped him down to his boxers before laying him down.

Ennis got himself ready for bed and climbed in, spooning up behind Jack and hugging him close, rubbing his nose through Jack’s hair and breathing in his scent.

After a few moments, Jack bolted up in bed. "Ennis, what…? I told you I…"

"It’s alright darlin’, I’m not gonna do anything. I just wanna hold ya. Please, Jack? That’s all. I wanna make ya feel safe." Ennis pleaded, gently holding his arm. "Just le me hold ya, darlin’."

"Okay, Ennis. I’m such a sorry ass, I know. It’s just…"

"You’re not a sorry ass and it’s alright, I said. Now come on, lay back down and let’s get to sleep, okay?" Jack did, he and Ennis hugged up close as Ennis hummed a lullaby in his ear until Jack fell asleep.

Ennis lay awake for hours just watching him sleep, thankful he was home with him again but scared because he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before things went back to normal or if they ever could.

 

~tbc~

 

Comments

[tmn1966.livejournal.com]

I like it! I'm so glad you decided to continue writing BBM fic. I think you've got a good handle on the characterizations.

Just one question: I'm just a little confused, my own fault I'm sure, but you listed this as AU, so I'm just wondering where in the time line of BBM your story takes place? How old are they and such. Maybe I'm just getting ahead of myself. If that's the case, I apologize.

Lovely start. Can't wait to read more.

Teri

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Hi Teri

Good to see you reading my new stuff too.

It's strange because I never really think about their ages as I sometimes automatically see them in their 20's or there abouts. But I had been thinking that they perhaps still met when they were about 19 or 20 ad got togther for their sweet life only to be torn apart. So perhaps they could be around 24 or 25.

No need to apologise. When questions are asked it always makes me think and that's a good thing. :o)

Hugs

Sandy