Born This Way - Chapter 29

[madbottoms]

Title: Born This Way 29

Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, John, Gray, Owen, Toshiko/Tommy, Suzie, OCs

Rating: NC-17

Warnings/Contains: Supernatural themes, character death, drug references.

Summary: Sequel to Choices - Ianto Jones was born and raised in Hell, but he isn’t feeling as demonic as usual lately—thanks to Jack Harkness. But you can’t desert Hell without consequences and suddenly Ianto’s and Jack’s happily ever after may not be so happy.

Notes: Jack is recovering from his Hellish experience and he comes to a realisation.

29

*~*

The Devil in Me

*~*

Jack

My throat is still on fire and my vision is blurry when Ianto walks back into the apartment. My stomach turns at the sight of him carrying Lilith’s unconscious body.

John rocks me in his arms. His summer snow dulls the pain in my body and my burning lungs, making me forget everything. I sink deeper into him, hoping he’ll bury me altogether, and lay my pounding head in the crook of his neck as he gathers me tighter against him.

I recoil farther into John as Ianto lays Lilith next to me on the bed. His eyes flick to me momentarily as he covers her with a blanket, making sure that she’s comfortable. Then he turns concerned eyes on John. “Will she be okay?”

John smooths a hand over my hair. “I don’t know.” Ianto stares down at Lilith, his face unreadable. He reaches down and brushes her hair out of her face.

And watching him touch her like that cuts me like a knife. I turn my face away and try to block out the image of the last time I saw them together.

“I need to go.” My voice is a hoarse croak as I try to force air through my throbbing vocal cords.

“Sure, Jack.”

I wince and cry out when John pulls me up and supports me as we stand.

“John—?” I’m surprised by the tinge of panic in Ianto’s voice.

I pull my face out of John’s shoulder and look at Ianto, but when our eyes connect, he looks away.

I’m so confused. I remember how Lilith made me feel— how much I wanted her—so I kinda get that what happened that night might not have been all Ianto’s fault. My head is telling me that. But my broken heart still can’t get past what he did.

“You know what? Let me go. I’m fine,” I say, pushing away from John. The truth is I hurt all over, but they don’t need to know that. “Nothing’s broken.”

John looks at me with troubled eyes. He doesn’t argue with me, even though he knows I’m lying. But he doesn’t let me go completely either. His gaze slides to Ianto. “Owen?”

“What’s wrong with Owen?” I shift against John, and the sharp pain shooting through my ribs makes me gasp. I glance at Ianto for the answer, but he just shakes his head.

“Nothing for you to worry about,” John says, and I feel him pulling that snow crap on me again.

I fight the peaceful calm that settles over me. “That’s not an answer.”

“I’ll find him. Don’t worry.”

I hear the frustration in his voice, and panic cuts through me. I struggle to get free of his arms, but every movement causes a sharp jab of pain in one place or another. “You’ll find him? What the hell does that mean? Was he here?” I try to move out of John’s hold. “Let me go!”

He doesn’t let me go but inclines his head toward Ianto, gesturing for him to speak, but with a warning in his eye.

I grab John’s shirt and yank. “No! You answer me.” John can’t lie, and that’s all Ianto does. I want the truth.

“Later, Jack,” he says.

“Tell me now!” The words feel like fire ripping out of my throat.

“He needs to know, John,” Ianto says. He steps around the bed, and there’s pain in his eyes. “Lilith has him.” But then his face pinches as he grimaces and his eyes drop from mine.

Panic tangles with confusion as I look at the girl on the bed. “Lilith is right there.”

“That’s not Lilith. It’s her host,” John answers.

I shake my head as frustration rears up, making me want to slap John—to make him stop talking in riddles. “What the hell is going on?”

He holds my eyes with his, concern etching his brow. “Lilith has shifted. She’s taken Owen.”

“She shifted…into Owen…?” Understanding dawns in some corner of my mind and I go rigid. Owen is tagged for Hell.

“We’ll get him back.” Ianto won’t meet my eyes, but even through the shake in his voice, he sounds determined. He squats down, fingering the loose pages of his original-run Purgatorio that litter the floor.

I turn back to John, wincing. “What are we gonna do?”

“You need to go home, Jack—get some rest. Ianto and I are better equipped to track Owen down and deal with Lilith.”

“I want to—”

John cuts me off with a finger to my swollen lips. “You could pull your Sway on me and make me let you do this, but you know as well as I do that you’d only slow us down and get in the way. Is that what you want? Us protecting you? Or do you want Owen back safely?”

I glare, trying to convince myself he’s wrong. “But maybe my Sway can help.”

“How?”

“Maybe I could…I don’t know…maybe she’d leave Owen alone.”

“I don’t think this is going to be that simple. You’re the one she wants, Jack. It’d be safer for you not to get anywhere near her.”

I remember what Lilith did to me, how she made me feel, and in the end, I get that he’s right. “Fine.”

Ianto’s voice comes from near the broken window. “I’ll drive him home.” I turn and his obsidian eyes lock on mine. I feel a pang in my heart as I remember that those eyes aren’t human anymore.

“I can drive,” I say, furious at the shake in my voice.

“No, you can’t,” John says. “And I need to deal with this.” He waves a hand at the girl on the bed.

I look at Ianto, who won’t meet my gaze, and spin for the door. “Let’s go.”

John catches Ianto’s arm on the way by and fixes him in a hard gaze. “Stay with him until I can get there.” His voice is low, and I don’t think he means for me to hear, but I turn and glare at him so he knows I did.

In the first few steps, I find that my legs still function, but my left knee is puffy and a little numb. It falters on the first stair and Ianto grabs my elbow to steady me as I claw for the handrail. I’m completely unprepared for my body’s reaction to his touch. I groan as his demonic heat courses through me, making my already wavering legs refuse to hold me. Ianto catches me before I hit the ground, lifting me up into his arms as if I am some kind of invalid.

I can’t look him in the eye. “Put me down.”

He ignores me and carries me down the stairs.

“Put me down,” I repeat when we get to the bottom, and he does.

I hobble to the car, and Ianto holds out his hand for the key. I hand him the rabbit’s foot key chain with the old, worn key to the Mustang, and the shiny, new key to his apartment.

Wordlessly, he takes it from my hand and we climb in, him in the driver’s seat.

“I really can drive.” I start to cross my arms and slump into the seat before my ribs remind me that isn’t gonna work.

In response, he turns the key in the ignition and backs out of the parking spot. For a second, his eyes flick to mine and I see it. Guilt.

Rage rips out of my emotional black pit. “You knew.” It’s less a question and more an accusation.

He shoots another glance in my direction, but he doesn’t answer.

“How much did you know? Did you know what she was? Elle?”

His jaw clenches and he draws a deep breath, but he just stares out the windshield.

“Did you know she and Gray were, like…together?”

“I told you that,” he says, his voice totally flat.

He did tell me that. And I stupidly hoped he was wrong about that. My stomach clamps into a hard knot.

“You knew Owen was tagged for Hell.” It’s not a question.

His eyes flick to mine again, and there’s the guilt. “How could you not tell me?”

He shakes his head but says nothing.

My mind reels with other questions and things I want to say to him—most of them along the lines of, ‘How could you turn out to be such a lying, cheating bastard?’ But I know what his answer to that would be: ‘He’s a demon—what did I expect?’ So I seethe internally and force myself not to look at him. And try to ignore the aching hole deep inside me. I close my eyes, press back into the seat, and turn my head toward the window so he won’t see the tears leaking down my cheeks.

I remember the reasons I came over to Ianto’s in the first place—what I saw in the dream. I needed to see for myself that he was gone. But he’s here. So close, I could touch him. And I want to. I want to feel his arms around me, his lips on mine.

God, I’ve missed him.

What’s wrong with me? How can I love him and hate him all at the same time?

I scrub the tears from my face and cast him an appraising, sidelong glance. His head is propped back on the headrest at a little bit of an angle away from me, one wrist draped over the steering wheel and the other hand on the gearshift. His eyes glow red through his silky black mop.

God, I don’t know what to think. He looks healthy enough, so apparently his trip to Hell was voluntary. Was I stupid for worrying?

I turn toward him and almost reach for him. But I stop myself. He continues to stare out the windshield intently. He’s made no move to say anything. His expression is hard, his face drawn. If he still cared about me, wouldn’t he tell me?

I think back on Lilith—how she made me feel when she kissed me— and I know what I need to say.

“I know it wasn’t your fault—with Lilith.”

He stiffens and I can tell he’s not breathing as he stares out the windshield. When I’m sure that’s all the answer I’m gonna get, I turn back to the window.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low, and I hope he doesn’t hear the shudder in my breathing as I stare out the window.

I fight to get myself together as he pulls into my driveway and steps out of the car, tossing me the keys. He just stands there, staring at me with hard, obsidian eyes that reflect back any attempt to see deeper. More than anything, I want John’s ability to read minds right now.

I realise he’s waiting for me to go inside, so I slide out of my seat and start to head for the house, trying not to limp. Halfway up the walk, I turn back to him, trying to read him again. In that instant, before he realises I’ve turned, I catch something in his expression. Pain.

I almost run back to him. But the next instant, as his eyes lock on mine, his expression turns hard and stone cold again. And as I step toward him, I realise I’m not gonna be running anywhere for a while. But I have to know.

“Was it all just an act? Did you ever care about me at all?”

His expression shifts through about ten different things so quickly, I can’t get a read on any of them, before finally settling back to blank. He stares at me for a long, awkward minute, then slowly shakes his head.

If there was ever any question, at least now I know for sure. This is how he wants it. It’s what I needed to know to let go—move on. My chest feels ready to cave in as I turn back toward the house and push through the door. Once inside and out of Ianto’s sight, I lean my forehead on the door and let the ache in my chest dissolve into tears. But Mum’s voice from the kitchen turns my thoughts to how I’m gonna get cleaned up without anyone seeing me. The torn clothes, bruises, and blood would be a little tricky to explain to my parents. Yeah, remember that girl that Ianto slept with? Well, we beat the shit out of each other.

After listening for a second to Mum’s voice, I realise what I’m hearing is her half of a telephone conversation rolling out of the kitchen. Noise is blasting from a game on the TV in the family room. There’s a fifty–fifty chance that Dad is asleep in his chair in front of the game. My sisters hate rugby, so I’m sure he’s alone.

I listen through the din of the TV, and sure enough, Dad’s snore is just audible over the blare of the commentators. I wipe the tears from my face and smooth my hair with my damp hands before slinking through the family room and up the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible. My intention is to head directly to the bathroom, but before I reach the top of the stairs, I hear the shower running. Someone’s beat me to it.

I hurry into my room and close the door. At the window, I glance up at the brewing storm clouds, wondering how it is that the weather seems to match my frame of mind so perfectly. I drop my eyes to the Mustang, thinking idly that I should have put the top up.

And my heart skips.

Ianto is still standing at my car, hands propped on the driver door, head hanging between his shoulders. As I watch, he pushes sharply back from the car and paces the sidewalk, then glances up at my window. I duck and cry out as my ribs bump the desk on my way to the floor.

Why is he still here?

But then I remember John telling him to stay.

I crawl along the floor on my hands and knees and cross the room to my mirror, where I use the dresser to help pull myself back to a stand. Looking at my face, it’s not as bad as I expected. But then my hand gravitates to the tender knot on the back of my head and I wince. My phone rings and I jump, pressing harder into the knot and wincing again.

I look at the caller ID, hoping for Owen. It’s Tosh. “Have you heard from Owen?”

What does she know?

“Um…no. You know he’s not speaking to me. What’s up?”

“Tommy says he just blasted in there, grabbed some stuff, and took off without a word. He’s worried.”

“I don’t know, Tosh. That Russell guy he’s with is seriously scary. Tommy should be worried.” I know I am. My stomach is a hard ball of worry.

She’s quiet for a minute. “Should we go look for him?”

“Maybe,” I say, hoping John already is. I hear the door to the bathroom click open. “Listen, I gotta go. Call me if you hear anything, okay?”

“’Kay.”

I speed-dial John. “Owen was at his house just now,” I say when he picks up.

“I’ll check it out. Are you home?”

“Yeah.”

“Sleep. I’ll be there when I can.” His voice is soft, reassuring.

I feel my chest loosen a little just at the thought of him here. “Okay. I’ll try.”

I flip the phone shut and wait till the hall is quiet, then hurry to the bathroom with my towel and bathrobe.

The water feels good on my hot skin. I stand with my hands braced against the wall and let it wash over me, rinsing me clean—on the outside, at least. But I can’t shake the nervous twitchiness on the inside: a combination of the memory of being inside Lilith and the unease of the eerie comfort I felt in King Lucifer’s arms. I shudder with the memory of the angelic face.

Why was it that face I saw when He held me? Whose face was it?

Finally, I groan in frustration and force my thoughts to Owen. I have to help him.

I hurry through the rest of my shower routine, and when I finish, I inspect my face in the mirror again as I brush my teeth. One cut at my hairline above my right eye that you’d have to move my hair to see, a reddish swollen spot on my right cheek, and a puffy lower lip. Easy enough to explain away. The worst of it is under my clothes. I slide my robe gingerly over my bruised body and make my way back to my room. Maggie comes out of the room she shares with Grace as I pass by.

“Why is Ianto in our driveway? I thought you guys broke up.”

Despite my best attempt not to let him affect me, my heart sputters. “Um…we did. I don’t know why he’s here.”

She grins at me, hope sparkling in her sapphire blue eyes. She’s always had a crush on Ianto. “Maybe he wants you back.”

“Not likely,” I say, but my heart goes from sputtering to skipping.

She shrugs, disappointed, and heads into the bathroom while I slide through my door. I press the Play button on my iPod just as the phone starts ringing. I run to the desk, pick it up, and look at the caller ID. Owen! It’s his home line.

I bring the phone to my ear. “Owen. Are you okay?”

“Jack?” At the sound of Owen’s Mum’s voice, my heart sinks. “I was hoping Owen was there.”

“No, Mrs. Harper.”

There’s a pause. “It’s getting late. He’s been doing good with his curfew lately. Did he tell you where he was going?”

I can’t do this. I fight tears and work to keep my voice steady. “No.”

“Well, if you hear from him, tell him to get his butt home, okay?”

“Sure.”

I stare at the phone in my hand. Owen. He’s out there and I’m helpless.

Or am I?

“Leave Owen alone. You don’t want him,” I say out loud. Then I repeat it over and over in my head, faster and faster. Still repeating the mantra, I turn out my light.

And then my gut clenches as I remember Ianto.

In the dark, I stand a cautious distance from the open window and look down into the driveway. When I don’t see him, I tug my bathrobe so tightly around me that it makes my ribs throb, and move closer. It’s not till I’m at the window, face pressed against the screen, that I notice the glowing red eyes staring at me from the oak branches just outside.

I start to shout and stumble back from the window when Ianto pushes through the screen, leaving it in tatters. And before I can stop the shout, he does it for me. His lips are hot on mine, and my shout morphs into a moan as his arms pull me to his burning body. He mistakes my moan for pain and lightens his grip.

He pulls away and looks down at me, his expression full of pain and his eyes full of doubt. “Jack—”

I don’t want to hear the rest of that thought, because I don’t want to think about any of it. He’s here and I love him. That’s all that matters. I lift my hand, and place my index finger softly over his lips. I force my mind to focus on now—here—Ianto, and block out the rest. I pull him back to me, silencing him with another kiss, and sway with the music, deeper into Ianto with every beat.

He kisses me back. Hard. Deep. Desperate. His lips burn a track across my shoulder, my neck, working their way up to my ear, where he whispers, “I’m so sorry.”

The despair in his words crushes my heart. I press my face into his shirt. “It wasn’t your fault. I know that now.”

I bring his mouth back to mine and push him toward my bed, sliding my hands under his shirt as we go. But as I smooth my hands over his flawless skin, I gasp and pull away. His skin isn’t flawless anymore. Far from it. I lift his shirt and gape at the deep red gashes and puncture wounds covering his chest, back, and shoulders. I shudder as I remember the dream—the torture.

“What happened?” I whisper, afraid of the answer.

A small, sad smile curls the corners of his mouth. “It’s nothing. They’ll be gone in a few days.” He gestures to his cheek, and I notice for the first time that the jagged red scar Gwen left as a souvenir is gone. “Nothing like these.” His hand hesitates, then glides along my ribs, where my bathrobe has fallen open. I start to pull it closed, but his hand on my skin feels electric, yet so gentle, caressing my wounds. I feel the ache ease just from his touch.

My body responds to him: a warm glow starting low in my belly and spreading through me till I’m on fire. I press into him again, letting my robe slide off my shoulders and fall to the floor, and I pull his shirt over his head. Then I pull him onto the bed, under the sheets—where he can take my pain away.

As Ianto kisses me deeper, I lose myself in him. I need him closer, next to my heart. I want to feel his essence swirling inside me again. I reach out with my mind—not with words, but with the sensation of what I need. And when I feel his essence slip through my lips, like silk, I’m flooded with him. Drowning in him. Goose bumps pebble my tingling skin and I moan and pull him closer.

His essence fills me, a burst of bliss, caressing every part of me and making me shudder. Nothing in the physical world feels like this. I feel him in every part of my body.

It feels like coming home.

Comments

[reddevilpoes]

One loose end tied up...now go and rescue Owen...
(had a long weekend...happy now..found three chapters waiting to be read..)

[madbottoms]

Glad you got to read so many together. makes it more fun, right.

[sandysan2013.livejournal.com]

I love the update, but I still don't see a happy ending here. Can Owen be saved? I'd love Ianto and Jack to end up together, but Jack really wants John,too. This is a mess!!!

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

There may not be a happy ending for everyone and I can tell you that it will be hard work.

Yes, Jack want's John, too, and John wants him as well.But I can tell you Jack loves Ianto more.

It is a mess but don't give up on them.

[lilferret]

My heart is breaking, cuz I just know they're not going to get a happy ending. :(

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Happy endings are relative. It may not be the happy ending everyone may be imagining, but it will work out in the end - it will just take time getting there.

[spud1963.livejournal.com]

now thats what I'm talking about. But yeah I'm worried as well.... are you gonna let Jack and Ianto stay together? I mean can he become human again? and Owen? him being tagged for Hell how does that figure in. Love this chapter :)

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Oh, but human is so boring. Jack and Ianto love each other a lot but their journey to a happy ending has a long way to go yet.

Owen is in big trouble I can tell you that and it doesn't look good right now.

[sammydragoncat]

Great update

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Cheers!

[bluelilacs.livejournal.com]

Finally Jack gets it and they're together again. Now they have to get Owen back from Lilith, but from what happened with Jack and Ianto, that doesn't seem like it'll be easy. Of course, maybe if they're lucky, she won't fight as hard for Owen as she did for Jack because, that was Jack after all. I guess it'd be too much too hope that Lucifer is so pissed at her he'll drag her out of Owen and back to Hell.

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Yes, Jack finally understands but they still have a long way to go yet.

As for Lilith and Owen - well, hold on to your seats - we have some action coming up.

Cheers

[pharlap1.livejournal.com]

love the update

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Cheers. Glad to see you are still enjoying it.

[darquethoughts.livejournal.com]

So glad Ianto did not stay outside!!!!

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

Yes, it was good. I'm sure Ianto and jack were very happy about it too.

Cheers

[hatorl (from livejournal.com)]

I'm sure we will have more drama in the next chapters but the important is that they are together, they need to fix their relationship. If they are together, and trust in each other, they can deal with all the bad things that may be coming.
Well, that's what I feel.
Also I hope it's not too late to save Owen.

[madbottoms.livejournal.com]

And they feel the same way. They may still need to work through some things out but they are on their way.

As for Owen, he may not be so lucky. More soon and cheers.