madbottoms (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
madbottoms) wrote2012-12-07 10:26 pm
madbottoms) wrote2012-12-07 10:26 pm
Entry tags:
Chosen One - Chapter 6
Title: Chosen One - Chapter 6
Summary: Our favourite tortured boys are back in this third and final instalment in which they try to outrun Hell.
Notes: See chapter 1 for disclaimer warnings and related info. Cheers for the comments and hope the silent readers are enjoying it too.
Summary: Our favourite tortured boys are back in this third and final instalment in which they try to outrun Hell.
Notes: See chapter 1 for disclaimer warnings and related info. Cheers for the comments and hope the silent readers are enjoying it too.
6
Morning Start
*~*
Morning Start
*~*
JACK
My eyes open to pitch black.
Absolute darkness.
A tiny point of white light forms above me, and I focus on it as I cough and struggle to breath. It grows increasingly larger and brighter.
A star.
One singular star in the black velvet sky.
As it illuminates my surroundings and I realise I’m still on the beach. I feel the powdery sand sift between my toes as I jerk and cough, smell the briny air. Then I’m drowning again, but this time in John’s peace. He holds me and rocks me, humming a soft melody under his breath. It’s a tune I know, but I can’t place it. As his summer snow washes over me, my jagged nerves start to soften. His gentle hand smooths over my cheek and runs through my hair. I lift my head to look at him—and cough violently when my body attempts to breathe.
Because it’s not John.
The boy holding me is gazing up at the brightening star. When he turns his face to look at me the light of the star is shining in his astonishing green eyes, and I realise he is the star.
Ethereal. Like a whisper.
The soft white light is coming from him. I feel myself instantly relax as a smile spreads across his beautiful face.
Just as I’m about to ask him who he is he sweeps a finger lightly across my forehead and everything inside me explodes in a burst of pure white energy.
I wake with a choked gasp as if I’d been drowning, and roll onto my side sure I’m gonna be sick. The nausea passes slowly, and I lay back on the bed staring at the eerie moonlit shadows dancing across my ceiling. I listen through my gasping breath and hammering heart for anyone moving in the cottage. Everything is still and silent except for the waves breaking on the sand outside my open window. I lay motionless and listen until my breathing and pulse slow.
As the pounding of blood in my ears fades, a haunting melody swirls through my thoughts. Comforting.
Something from my dream?
Maybe. But it feels deeper. Older. Rooted in my subconscious somehow. I can’t really remember the dream, except for Owen. I remember he was in the waves. And then there was.… A face tickles the edges of the memory and I remember I felt safe. And the song. But that’s all.
I close my eyes again, but acid rises in my throat as I see Owen floating dead on a sea of blood. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling … and see Owen.
I glance to the night table, where the bottle of Unisom sits. It did exactly what I knew it would. Trapped me in a never-ending nightmare. I pick it up and throw it in the trash before getting up and walking to my door, knowing there’s only one thing that can truly calm me. Just being around him always does. I promised him I’d try not to want him.
But that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I need him.
I shrug my green terry robe over my baggy T-shirt and boxers as I pull the door open with a trembling hand.
John is slouched into the couch cushions, one leg hanging over the arm, with an open copy of The Great Gatsby in one hand and a pair of glasses perched on his nose.
Despite my heavy heart, I crack a smile. I can’t help it. “Glasses? You’re joking, right?”
He straightens up, pulls the glasses off, and quirks half a smile. “You’re surprised?”
“It’s just so unexpected—” I wave my hand in a circle at him “—a flaw in all that perfection.”
His smile widens. “I’m not as young as I used to be.”
He straightens up and I slide onto the couch next to him and pull the book from his hands, glancing at the page he’s on. “Poor, tragic Gatsby. Deception, forbidden love, and ruined lives. Sound familiar?”
He sighs and loops his arm around my shoulders, nestling his face into my hair.
“I was hoping I could make it the whole night without you,” I say, burrowing into his side.
A purr rumbles up from his chest as he pulls me close and kisses my forehead. “I told you I’d always be here for you, and I meant it. Whatever you need.”
I press into him, feeling calmer already. “Is this okay?”
“My self-control is never what it should be when I’m with you.” I feel his lips curve into a smile against my forehead. “Are you sure you trust me?”
I settle into him, knowing it’s really me he should be concerned about trusting.
“I think we should have left Ianto behind,” I blurt, not really sure where it came from.
“Why?”
I hesitate, not sure how to answer. “He’s mortal. If they come after me…”
“He knows the risks Jack,” he says, his voice hard.
I pull away and look up at him. I want to tell him about my vision as we were racing away from home—that I know I’m gonna die. Soon. I want to tell him it’s okay as long as everyone else is safe. But all that comes out when I open my mouth is, “I don’t want him here.”
There’s sadness in his gaze. “Whether you—or I, for that matter—like it or not, you and Ianto are connected. He can’t leave you without putting you in danger and I’m not going to let that happen.”
“What if they find us here?” I ask.
“Then we’ll go someplace else.”
The tune from my dream floats through my consciousness, and I have a sudden flash of memory of a beautiful face with green eyes. “Do you think Heaven might have sent another guardian angel?” I breathe against my closing throat at the thought of Gray.
He pulls back and an amused smile plays on his full lips. “Why? Are you requesting a replacement?”
“No.” I smile and lean into him, twisting my finger into his platinum waves. “I’ve got the boss. Who could be better?” One last nagging thought pushes its way through his summer snow. “You’ll look after everyone, right? Tosh? My sisters?”
“Of course.”
“I can’t let anything happen to anyone else ’cause of me.”
“I’ll do my best, Jack, but right now my focus is you. We need to keep you out of Hell’s reach until you’re ready. I was wrong to think they’d give up after you were tagged for Heaven. Lucifer isn’t going to give up—ever.”
“Until I’m ready?”
I feel him stiffen under me. “We won’t be able to run forever…”
“So I’ll have to fight eventually,” I finish.
“Eventually,” he sighs.
I start shaking, thinking of King Lucifer and how I was when He was near—how completely I lost myself and how much I lusted for Him. I’m no match for Him.
And He has Gray and Owen.
I start to shake harder. “What if I can’t? What if my Sway is really nothing?”
John’s hand strokes my hair. “It’s not nothing. You’ll learn how to use it. That’s why I’m here, Jack. To help you.” His soft lips move against my forehead as he speaks, his warm breath tickling my skin, and I fight the urge to climb right into him—to live in his peace, where it’s safe.
Instead, I stand and pad toward the bathroom, feeling more than a little sick. I sit on the toilet for a few minutes, my fingers woven into my hair, and wait for my stomach to settle.
There’s a soft knock, then John’s voice floats through the door. “Jack? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
When I stand and stare into the mirror, I hardly recognise myself—drawn features and purple hollows circling my sunken, haunted eyes. A month of being too scared to close your eyes will do that to a person, I guess. I gag myself on my toothbrush before heading back to the living room.
John has turned off the light, and in the pale moonlight slanting through the open window, I see him stretched out on his back on the couch. He holds an arm out to me.
I move across the room to him, and he grasps my hand and squeezes gently. “You okay?” The concern in his voice pulls at my heart.
“I will be.” I crawl over him, curling up between the back of the couch and his body. I wrap my arm around his chest and let his peace wash over me. He’s really turned it on, for my benefit I’m sure, ’cause in only a few minutes I feel calm and start to drift off.
If there’s Heaven on Earth then this is it. I kiss the top of Jack’s head, where he lays curled against me on the sofa. His scent fills my nose: Ivory soap, the vanilla of his shampoo, and something spicy that’s uniquely Jack. I can’t help shooting a glance at the used-to-be demon’s door as a shudder works through me. A smile pulls at my mouth knowing this is the one thing he’ll always come to me for. The one thing Ianto will never be able to give him.
His breathing is shallow and irregular as he twitches in my arms, no doubt reliving some horrific memory from his recent past in his dreams.
A past that I should have been able to protect him from.
The thought cuts like a blade. His whole world has been turned upside down. I want to blame Ianto—everything was fine until he showed up—but deep down, I know it’s all on me.
I told Jack I’d always be here for him. I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to watch while he and Ianto grew closer. So I took the easy road.
I abandoned him.
I made up all kinds of lame excuses to make myself feel okay about leaving him, but at the end of the day, Owen’s death, Ianto’s betrayal, Gray’s fall—I could have stopped all of it if I’d been there and paying attention.
My heart pounds in my chest. I feel it crash against my ribs, wrenching my entire body with each unrelenting beat. And I savour it.
Because I’ve never had a heart before.
I force myself to loosen my grip on Jack before I wake him and twist a strand of his sandy-blond hair in my fingers. Moonlight streams through the window and lights Jack’s pale face. I stare at that small, vulnerable face for an eternity. How any Earthly creature can be so beautiful is beyond me.
I lie back on the sofa, concentrating on the feel of the rhythmic beat of my heart, and imagine what it would be like to let the process continue—to let Jack change me completely.
I’m a Seraph. A Dominion. One of the Second Sphere. I was never of the Earth, so if I were to lose my wings, I’ve always known I couldn’t return to it. I’d belong to Lucifer—to Hell.
My new heart throbs loudly as I think back on the night I almost lost my wings. I didn’t realise until later, as I was standing in his hallway struggling for breath that I’d never needed before, that I was changing. I know now that it had started long before that. And with the physical changes came others. Things I’d never experienced before.
Like Earthly desire.
I’ve always loved, but I’ve never needed. Feelings of yearning, craving … desire are uniquely human—something I didn’t even have the framework to begin to understand. Needing something so much you’d die for it … I never would have thought it possible until I felt it for myself.
But I would have.
That night I let myself go and nearly gave in to my desire. A huge part of me wanted that more than anything—to trade everything for one night with him. But it would have been just that. One night. Then I’d have lost my wings and I’d be useless to him.
He needs a protector, not a lover.
I’m going to have to stop this—sooner rather than later. He has to stop wanting me.
I stare into the darkness and try to think of what to say. I can’t lie and tell him I don’t want him, but I can say something that would embarrass him … or hurt him.
We’d all be better off if he hated me.
I realise I’m squeezing Jack too tightly again when a wounded moan rolls up from his core and he jerks in my arms. I loosen my grip and drown him in peace. I want to take away all his pain. The only way I know to do that is by softening it some, so the edges don’t cut so deep.
His eyes flutter open and when he lifts his head and looks up at me, they’re tortured. “It’s never gonna end.” It’s not a question. His voice is tired, defeated.
I inhale, slow and deep. Also something new for me. “It is going to end, and you need to be ready.”
A shadow passes over his face and he nods. His gaze shifts to Ianto’s door then back. “What if Ianto turns back into a demon?”
The pain in his expression is unmistakable. He knows the only way that will happen is if he doesn’t want him. But he’ll always want him. Deep in my new heart, I know this to be true. Jack will always love Ianto. And Ianto will always love him. At that thought, some deep aching physical need works its way through me. I can’t help thinking about what might have happened between us if Ianto was never in the picture. But the cold, hard truth is that Ianto’s leaving is impossible. He and Jack are bound together in ways that I can’t begin to comprehend. If Hell gets their hands on Ianto he’ll be able to lead them to Jack. We need to keep him close. Which means Jack needs to keep him mortal.
This also means I need to stay out of their way.
“He’d be a risk. My Shield would still protect him as long as he didn’t draw on his infernal power. But that might be a challenge for him.”
“So, if he starts turning back…?” He levels his devastating gaze at me, and I almost can’t answer.
“He’d be a liability. They’d most likely be able to find him … us.”
He throws a concerned glance at Ianto's door.
I draw a deep breath to firm up my resolve. He can never be mine. I’ve accepted that. But he still needs someone in his life who can support him, who understands what he is—what’s at stake. No mortal boy could ever fill that role. “You and Ianto belong together, Jack. You need each other.”
He sighs and settles deeper into the sofa, resting his hand on my chest. My heart hammers out its need for him, like an SOS, and I know he can feel it. A cold sweat breaks across my forehead and my palms—one more new and not so pleasant sensation.
What the Hell is wrong with me? I laughed at Ianto when he complained about teenage hormones. Guess the last laugh is on me.
I need a cold shower.
Forcing my thoughts from my body’s reaction to having him next to me, I give myself a swift mental kick. “Go back to sleep, Jack. You need to get some rest.” I stroke my index and middle fingers over his eyelids and they close, but a smile teases the edges of his mouth and I have the sudden overwhelming need to kiss him.
“Am I allowed to dream about you?”
The part of that sentence he leaves unspoken is, “instead of Owen,” but I groan internally, wishing he meant something else. “As long as you keep it PG.”
His eyes open and he laughs. It’s the first time I’ve heard that sound in weeks. My heart lifts. “Sleep.”
He closes his eyes again and settles into my arms. I flood him with peace as he dozes off, hoping to keep the dreams at bay.
For hours I watch him breathe, praying for a better plan—one that guarantees him safety. But still nothing.
He stirs in my arms. My lips brush his cheek and I chastise myself. I have to stop this. He can never be mine.
Ever.
But still, as much as this is my own personal Hell … it’s also Heaven.
I lie perfectly still and listen to him breathe. Dawn breaks over the ocean and I roll onto my side to shade Jack’s eyes from the light of a new day streaking through the windows, hoping to give him a few more minutes’ peace. He nestles his face into my neck and I’m so lost in him that I jump when I realise the sound I just heard wasn’t a seagull, but the creaking of door hinges.
My eyes open to pitch black.
Absolute darkness.
A tiny point of white light forms above me, and I focus on it as I cough and struggle to breath. It grows increasingly larger and brighter.
A star.
One singular star in the black velvet sky.
As it illuminates my surroundings and I realise I’m still on the beach. I feel the powdery sand sift between my toes as I jerk and cough, smell the briny air. Then I’m drowning again, but this time in John’s peace. He holds me and rocks me, humming a soft melody under his breath. It’s a tune I know, but I can’t place it. As his summer snow washes over me, my jagged nerves start to soften. His gentle hand smooths over my cheek and runs through my hair. I lift my head to look at him—and cough violently when my body attempts to breathe.
Because it’s not John.
The boy holding me is gazing up at the brightening star. When he turns his face to look at me the light of the star is shining in his astonishing green eyes, and I realise he is the star.
Ethereal. Like a whisper.
The soft white light is coming from him. I feel myself instantly relax as a smile spreads across his beautiful face.
Just as I’m about to ask him who he is he sweeps a finger lightly across my forehead and everything inside me explodes in a burst of pure white energy.
*~*
I wake with a choked gasp as if I’d been drowning, and roll onto my side sure I’m gonna be sick. The nausea passes slowly, and I lay back on the bed staring at the eerie moonlit shadows dancing across my ceiling. I listen through my gasping breath and hammering heart for anyone moving in the cottage. Everything is still and silent except for the waves breaking on the sand outside my open window. I lay motionless and listen until my breathing and pulse slow.
As the pounding of blood in my ears fades, a haunting melody swirls through my thoughts. Comforting.
Something from my dream?
Maybe. But it feels deeper. Older. Rooted in my subconscious somehow. I can’t really remember the dream, except for Owen. I remember he was in the waves. And then there was.… A face tickles the edges of the memory and I remember I felt safe. And the song. But that’s all.
I close my eyes again, but acid rises in my throat as I see Owen floating dead on a sea of blood. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling … and see Owen.
I glance to the night table, where the bottle of Unisom sits. It did exactly what I knew it would. Trapped me in a never-ending nightmare. I pick it up and throw it in the trash before getting up and walking to my door, knowing there’s only one thing that can truly calm me. Just being around him always does. I promised him I’d try not to want him.
But that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I need him.
I shrug my green terry robe over my baggy T-shirt and boxers as I pull the door open with a trembling hand.
John is slouched into the couch cushions, one leg hanging over the arm, with an open copy of The Great Gatsby in one hand and a pair of glasses perched on his nose.
Despite my heavy heart, I crack a smile. I can’t help it. “Glasses? You’re joking, right?”
He straightens up, pulls the glasses off, and quirks half a smile. “You’re surprised?”
“It’s just so unexpected—” I wave my hand in a circle at him “—a flaw in all that perfection.”
His smile widens. “I’m not as young as I used to be.”
He straightens up and I slide onto the couch next to him and pull the book from his hands, glancing at the page he’s on. “Poor, tragic Gatsby. Deception, forbidden love, and ruined lives. Sound familiar?”
He sighs and loops his arm around my shoulders, nestling his face into my hair.
“I was hoping I could make it the whole night without you,” I say, burrowing into his side.
A purr rumbles up from his chest as he pulls me close and kisses my forehead. “I told you I’d always be here for you, and I meant it. Whatever you need.”
I press into him, feeling calmer already. “Is this okay?”
“My self-control is never what it should be when I’m with you.” I feel his lips curve into a smile against my forehead. “Are you sure you trust me?”
I settle into him, knowing it’s really me he should be concerned about trusting.
“I think we should have left Ianto behind,” I blurt, not really sure where it came from.
“Why?”
I hesitate, not sure how to answer. “He’s mortal. If they come after me…”
“He knows the risks Jack,” he says, his voice hard.
I pull away and look up at him. I want to tell him about my vision as we were racing away from home—that I know I’m gonna die. Soon. I want to tell him it’s okay as long as everyone else is safe. But all that comes out when I open my mouth is, “I don’t want him here.”
There’s sadness in his gaze. “Whether you—or I, for that matter—like it or not, you and Ianto are connected. He can’t leave you without putting you in danger and I’m not going to let that happen.”
“What if they find us here?” I ask.
“Then we’ll go someplace else.”
The tune from my dream floats through my consciousness, and I have a sudden flash of memory of a beautiful face with green eyes. “Do you think Heaven might have sent another guardian angel?” I breathe against my closing throat at the thought of Gray.
He pulls back and an amused smile plays on his full lips. “Why? Are you requesting a replacement?”
“No.” I smile and lean into him, twisting my finger into his platinum waves. “I’ve got the boss. Who could be better?” One last nagging thought pushes its way through his summer snow. “You’ll look after everyone, right? Tosh? My sisters?”
“Of course.”
“I can’t let anything happen to anyone else ’cause of me.”
“I’ll do my best, Jack, but right now my focus is you. We need to keep you out of Hell’s reach until you’re ready. I was wrong to think they’d give up after you were tagged for Heaven. Lucifer isn’t going to give up—ever.”
“Until I’m ready?”
I feel him stiffen under me. “We won’t be able to run forever…”
“So I’ll have to fight eventually,” I finish.
“Eventually,” he sighs.
I start shaking, thinking of King Lucifer and how I was when He was near—how completely I lost myself and how much I lusted for Him. I’m no match for Him.
And He has Gray and Owen.
I start to shake harder. “What if I can’t? What if my Sway is really nothing?”
John’s hand strokes my hair. “It’s not nothing. You’ll learn how to use it. That’s why I’m here, Jack. To help you.” His soft lips move against my forehead as he speaks, his warm breath tickling my skin, and I fight the urge to climb right into him—to live in his peace, where it’s safe.
Instead, I stand and pad toward the bathroom, feeling more than a little sick. I sit on the toilet for a few minutes, my fingers woven into my hair, and wait for my stomach to settle.
There’s a soft knock, then John’s voice floats through the door. “Jack? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
When I stand and stare into the mirror, I hardly recognise myself—drawn features and purple hollows circling my sunken, haunted eyes. A month of being too scared to close your eyes will do that to a person, I guess. I gag myself on my toothbrush before heading back to the living room.
John has turned off the light, and in the pale moonlight slanting through the open window, I see him stretched out on his back on the couch. He holds an arm out to me.
I move across the room to him, and he grasps my hand and squeezes gently. “You okay?” The concern in his voice pulls at my heart.
“I will be.” I crawl over him, curling up between the back of the couch and his body. I wrap my arm around his chest and let his peace wash over me. He’s really turned it on, for my benefit I’m sure, ’cause in only a few minutes I feel calm and start to drift off.
*~*
JOHN
JOHN
If there’s Heaven on Earth then this is it. I kiss the top of Jack’s head, where he lays curled against me on the sofa. His scent fills my nose: Ivory soap, the vanilla of his shampoo, and something spicy that’s uniquely Jack. I can’t help shooting a glance at the used-to-be demon’s door as a shudder works through me. A smile pulls at my mouth knowing this is the one thing he’ll always come to me for. The one thing Ianto will never be able to give him.
His breathing is shallow and irregular as he twitches in my arms, no doubt reliving some horrific memory from his recent past in his dreams.
A past that I should have been able to protect him from.
The thought cuts like a blade. His whole world has been turned upside down. I want to blame Ianto—everything was fine until he showed up—but deep down, I know it’s all on me.
I told Jack I’d always be here for him. I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to watch while he and Ianto grew closer. So I took the easy road.
I abandoned him.
I made up all kinds of lame excuses to make myself feel okay about leaving him, but at the end of the day, Owen’s death, Ianto’s betrayal, Gray’s fall—I could have stopped all of it if I’d been there and paying attention.
My heart pounds in my chest. I feel it crash against my ribs, wrenching my entire body with each unrelenting beat. And I savour it.
Because I’ve never had a heart before.
I force myself to loosen my grip on Jack before I wake him and twist a strand of his sandy-blond hair in my fingers. Moonlight streams through the window and lights Jack’s pale face. I stare at that small, vulnerable face for an eternity. How any Earthly creature can be so beautiful is beyond me.
I lie back on the sofa, concentrating on the feel of the rhythmic beat of my heart, and imagine what it would be like to let the process continue—to let Jack change me completely.
I’m a Seraph. A Dominion. One of the Second Sphere. I was never of the Earth, so if I were to lose my wings, I’ve always known I couldn’t return to it. I’d belong to Lucifer—to Hell.
My new heart throbs loudly as I think back on the night I almost lost my wings. I didn’t realise until later, as I was standing in his hallway struggling for breath that I’d never needed before, that I was changing. I know now that it had started long before that. And with the physical changes came others. Things I’d never experienced before.
Like Earthly desire.
I’ve always loved, but I’ve never needed. Feelings of yearning, craving … desire are uniquely human—something I didn’t even have the framework to begin to understand. Needing something so much you’d die for it … I never would have thought it possible until I felt it for myself.
But I would have.
That night I let myself go and nearly gave in to my desire. A huge part of me wanted that more than anything—to trade everything for one night with him. But it would have been just that. One night. Then I’d have lost my wings and I’d be useless to him.
He needs a protector, not a lover.
I’m going to have to stop this—sooner rather than later. He has to stop wanting me.
I stare into the darkness and try to think of what to say. I can’t lie and tell him I don’t want him, but I can say something that would embarrass him … or hurt him.
We’d all be better off if he hated me.
I realise I’m squeezing Jack too tightly again when a wounded moan rolls up from his core and he jerks in my arms. I loosen my grip and drown him in peace. I want to take away all his pain. The only way I know to do that is by softening it some, so the edges don’t cut so deep.
His eyes flutter open and when he lifts his head and looks up at me, they’re tortured. “It’s never gonna end.” It’s not a question. His voice is tired, defeated.
I inhale, slow and deep. Also something new for me. “It is going to end, and you need to be ready.”
A shadow passes over his face and he nods. His gaze shifts to Ianto’s door then back. “What if Ianto turns back into a demon?”
The pain in his expression is unmistakable. He knows the only way that will happen is if he doesn’t want him. But he’ll always want him. Deep in my new heart, I know this to be true. Jack will always love Ianto. And Ianto will always love him. At that thought, some deep aching physical need works its way through me. I can’t help thinking about what might have happened between us if Ianto was never in the picture. But the cold, hard truth is that Ianto’s leaving is impossible. He and Jack are bound together in ways that I can’t begin to comprehend. If Hell gets their hands on Ianto he’ll be able to lead them to Jack. We need to keep him close. Which means Jack needs to keep him mortal.
This also means I need to stay out of their way.
“He’d be a risk. My Shield would still protect him as long as he didn’t draw on his infernal power. But that might be a challenge for him.”
“So, if he starts turning back…?” He levels his devastating gaze at me, and I almost can’t answer.
“He’d be a liability. They’d most likely be able to find him … us.”
He throws a concerned glance at Ianto's door.
I draw a deep breath to firm up my resolve. He can never be mine. I’ve accepted that. But he still needs someone in his life who can support him, who understands what he is—what’s at stake. No mortal boy could ever fill that role. “You and Ianto belong together, Jack. You need each other.”
He sighs and settles deeper into the sofa, resting his hand on my chest. My heart hammers out its need for him, like an SOS, and I know he can feel it. A cold sweat breaks across my forehead and my palms—one more new and not so pleasant sensation.
What the Hell is wrong with me? I laughed at Ianto when he complained about teenage hormones. Guess the last laugh is on me.
I need a cold shower.
Forcing my thoughts from my body’s reaction to having him next to me, I give myself a swift mental kick. “Go back to sleep, Jack. You need to get some rest.” I stroke my index and middle fingers over his eyelids and they close, but a smile teases the edges of his mouth and I have the sudden overwhelming need to kiss him.
“Am I allowed to dream about you?”
The part of that sentence he leaves unspoken is, “instead of Owen,” but I groan internally, wishing he meant something else. “As long as you keep it PG.”
His eyes open and he laughs. It’s the first time I’ve heard that sound in weeks. My heart lifts. “Sleep.”
He closes his eyes again and settles into my arms. I flood him with peace as he dozes off, hoping to keep the dreams at bay.
For hours I watch him breathe, praying for a better plan—one that guarantees him safety. But still nothing.
He stirs in my arms. My lips brush his cheek and I chastise myself. I have to stop this. He can never be mine.
Ever.
But still, as much as this is my own personal Hell … it’s also Heaven.
I lie perfectly still and listen to him breathe. Dawn breaks over the ocean and I roll onto my side to shade Jack’s eyes from the light of a new day streaking through the windows, hoping to give him a few more minutes’ peace. He nestles his face into my neck and I’m so lost in him that I jump when I realise the sound I just heard wasn’t a seagull, but the creaking of door hinges.
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Despite all that, it makes for one hell of a journey though.
Cheers
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Cheers and more soon.
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First Ianto, now John wants that Jack hates him too!!
Jack's training is going to start soon? They are not ready!
And I keep thinking, what it's the big mistery behind Jack?!!
And who is the person?, angel?, being? that Jack saw in his dreams?? mmm...
no subject
Cheers and thanks for reading and commenting despite the frustration our boys seem t inpsire.