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madbottoms ([personal profile] madbottoms) wrote2008-06-29 06:10 pm
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It's Not Over - Chapter 9b

continuing on....


~~~

After his revelation, Jack tore out of Rufus’ and headed back to the farm, hoping against all odds that Ennis would be home. When Jack got there, he noticed Ennis’ truck was there and breathed a sigh of relief.

 

He knew he needed to at least try and talk to Ennis, to tell him what had been going on. And as much as it was screaming to get out, he couldn’t figure out how to do it. Ennis had been begging him to let him in and all he kept doing was pushing him further away. What the hell had he done? Was it too late?

 

He had been relying on Rufus to keep him afloat and in turn, it had made Ennis feel like he was worthless, that he couldn't help Jack through his pain. It wasn’t that Ennis couldn’t, it was that Jack wouldn’t let him; didn't even let him close. He had hurt Ennis more than he could know and he really didn’t know how to fix it. All he knew was he had to at least try.

 

Pulling up beside the other truck, he killed the engine and ran into the house.

 

“Ennis,” he called out. “Ennis, where are ya?”

 

No answer.

 

He did a quick search and found him coming out of their bedroom. Ennis stopped when he saw Jack. “Decided to come home, did ya? Why don’t ya just go back to yer friend and leave me be. It’s what ya want, anyway,” Ennis spat.

 

“That’s not true,” Jack protested.

 

“Sure feels like it, bud. But I tell ya what. Ya don’t want to be around me no more, I’ll make it easy on ya.” Ennis looked Jack straight in the eyes, hurt radiating from his own. "This way, you can just put it all on me.”

 

Ennis turned around and headed back into the bedroom and moved into the bathroom where he collected his toothbrush and toothpaste, a razor and some soap.

 

“What d’ya mean?” Jack asked shakily, wondering what the hell Ennis was doing.

 

Ennis pushed past Jack and shoved the items into a stuffed duffle bag on the bed, one that Jack hadn’t noticed there before.

 

“What are ya doin’, Ennis?” Jack knew full well what he was doing. He was doing exactly what Jack told him to do.

 

Ennis threw is over his shoulder and walked away without answering, then went out to the back porch, picked up a toolbox and headed for his truck. If Jack didn’t want him there, wanted to be free of him, then that’s exactly what Ennis would give him. If Jack was so intent in pushing Ennis further away every day, he would go and then Jack would see what it felt like to be pushed away, to be alone.

 

“Ennis!” Jack shouted after him. “Where are ya goin’?”

 

“Away.” He threw his duffle in the back of the truck with his camping gear and then opened his door. "Just where ya want me, friend."

 

“Okay, for how long?”

 

“However long I need. Don’t trouble yerself now, Jack. Ya wanted time. I’m givin’ ya what ya want.”

 

“Damn it, Ennis, what’s goin’ on? Are you leaving me?” he asked, his voice a quiver. 

 

He turned back and said very calmly, “How can I leave ya when ya never really came back to me?”

 

“Ennis, please, don’t do this. I promise I’ll do better. I’m sorry I told ya to go. I don’t want ya to leave me.”

 

“When ya decide ta start livin’ again, come find me. Until then, I don’t think can stand it.”

 

“Ennis, please,” Jack begged, tears falling down his face. “Please, Cowboy!”

 

“I’ll see ya around, Jack Twist.” With that, Ennis got in the truck and pulled away, leaving Jack in a cloud of dust.

 

When the dust had cleared, a broken man, with dirt stained tears, stood motionless, watching his whole life crumble before him - as his only reason for living drove away. 


~~~

TBC

[identity profile] cornflake2912.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
How can you do that.... ? OH NO! please :(

[identity profile] sweetje.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
As much as it hurts me to say this, maybe Ennis going away is what Jack needs right now. Maybe it will insight Jack into getting the help he so badly needs. He's having a breakdown, and if he keeps pushing Ennis away, Ennis is going to be there with him in that padded cell.
I do hope he comes to his senses soon. I hate seeing these two so distant from one another.
Very intense chapter. I can't wait for more. : )]
Debra

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 08:57 am (UTC)(link)
Yes I'm afraid so. But take heart in the title - "It's Not Over".

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 09:00 am (UTC)(link)
Hey Debra

That was my thinking. Things just weren't going anywhere and maybe this will give Jack a wakeup call.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] taranryan-13.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 10:47 am (UTC)(link)
I hate to be right. Jack not talking to Ennis sooner has finally broken Ennis to where he has left. I only hope Jack get some help now so he can go after Ennis. Looking forward for the next chapter.

Neyla

[identity profile] eandj.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 10:54 am (UTC)(link)
My thoughts exactly
But oh so hard to read
when will this get better?
Paula

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:15 am (UTC)(link)
It will get better, Paula. I like happy endings.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:21 am (UTC)(link)
Neyla

A man can only stand so much before he breaks. Let's see where it gets them.

I hope I can get the next chapter up sooner this time.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] pjgale.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:58 am (UTC)(link)
AAAHHH!!

): PJ

[identity profile] noreins.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 12:02 pm (UTC)(link)
“How can I leave ya when ya never really came back to me?”

Oh god...that line is devastating *sobs*

But...I'm going to take heart. I think Ennis giving Jack space to figure out what he wants from the rest of his life is a good thing. I think it will force Jack to confront his problems and deal with them because, as he said himself, he loves Ennis more than anything and he can't be without him. I only hope it doesn't take too long...

[identity profile] adahleah.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 12:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I knew something like this was bound to happen but it does not make it feel any better. I have to agree with a lot of the other comments that Ennis leaving will force Jack to take action and do something about his problems. He is going to have to pick up all of Ennis' responsibilies on the ranch, I bet he won't feel useless for much longer.

Great update.

[identity profile] annabuffy.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 12:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Ahhh, how can you leave us hanging like that. I hope that this gives Jack a big wake up call. Ennis has hung in there, but maybe doing this Jack will finally push himself to open up or lose everything.

[identity profile] mira986.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 12:30 pm (UTC)(link)
~Oh my God... he really left. I didn't think he would do it, but then again, I understand him in a way. Ennis was trying, trying and trying, and Jack kept pushing him away, not letting him in. Eventually, Ennis just couldn't stand it anymore.

I hate to see our boys apart and hurt, but I understand that you had to do this. I just hope that Jack will wake up now and try to fix things; go and see someone who can help him and then find Ennis to finally be with him, in all the meanings of the word.

This was a hard chapter for me to read, but I did it. Thank you for sharing.

I really hope that you'll update soon and I hope that your ankle is much better! Take care!~

Mira

[identity profile] acquaalta.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 03:26 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG ... I never thought Ennis would really do it. But he just did. Hope this will wake Jack up. But then, he already did so before. So let's just hope everything will turn out fine. One thing though ... where is Jack supposed to look after Ennis?
Oh dear ... thanks for the update nevertheless.
All the best, B.

[identity profile] torry28.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Sometimes you have to say no, when it is the hardest to do and you rather die then having to do it, but it is necessary. Ennis was at the end of the rope but he departed not without leaving a lifeline for Jack to cling to and pull himself up if he really wants to. He can just sit down and just let it all go and die or fight just one more time for something worth fighting for the love of Ennis and more important the love of himself. He has to learn to accept himself, love himself before he can accept love from someone else. I can identify with Ennis telling Jack when you want to live again look me up.
He is not doing it to destroy Jack but hopefully to wake him up.
Jack will be devastated, but he has come through many hard times and I believe this last kick in the gut was what is needed for him to seek help and fight to get Ennis back.
Thank you for a very difficult chapter to read but a very honest and realistic one.
Hugs
Torry

[identity profile] brokeback1963.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
When the dust had cleared, a broken man, with dirt stained tears, stood motionless, watching his whole life crumble before him - as his only reason for living drove away.
****

But...but...but...Ennis was the only reason for Jack to live...so now...what the hell is he gonna do? Die?

**crying my eyes out sooooo bad**

What an intense hard chapter, Sandy...... But your writing is so gorgeous.

Much love.

Tammy.

[identity profile] trekfan.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 05:08 pm (UTC)(link)
oh SHIT how are they gonna fix this? here have some crazy glue, somethin. please Ennis don't drive away from Jack. He's a broken man ya gotta help fix him!


please update soon

[identity profile] haljbg.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, what a sad chapter. But I think too it was the only possibilty for Ennis. Hopefully Jack will wake up and can find a way back to his life and to Ennis.
Emmy

[identity profile] tmn1966.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, my, I've been waiting for this to happen. Something had to give . . . unfortunately it was Ennis. Jack has been through so much and he feels he doesn't deserve anything good. I hope that Ennis leaving will be a positive thing in getting Jack what he needs.

Thanks so much for this update! I hope your ankle gets better fast.

Hugs,
Teri

[identity profile] bbmjack324.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 06:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Ennis said he loved him, he was his life, and he wanted to help him. Jack has been through hell and yes he's been distant, confused, and because of his self hatred born
by bullies, told Ennis he would be better without him. Yet, I cannot help but feel stunned and dissapointed in Ennis that he would actually leave him--especially learning today more about the pain Jack's actually been through. That he is struggling with. Sure Ennis is hurt over these past four years, but it isn't anywhere near as much as all the years of Jack's hurt. I don't feel like he really loved him all that much if he could walk away from a begging and sobbing Jack. Just your description of him like this made my heart clench and want to hold him close--but Ennis just walks away:

“Ennis, please, don’t do this. I promise I’ll do better. I’m sorry I told ya to go. I don’t want ya to leave me.”

Tough love be damned, if his goal is to let Jack realize what he's missing, or pay back to let him feel how it feels to be alone. Jack's shell was finally cracking and he was rushing home and begging, trying to reach out. Ennis turned his back on him. A broken Jack with even
more now to make him crumble. Shit he may close down again and stop talking.

These are my feelings, and I'm interested to read more. Your story is definitely highly charged, friend.

[identity profile] ramona4jake.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, maybe it's for the best, Jack needed a shock to pull him out of his misery and do something about it ! Now he's left alone... and with the ranch on his hands ! Going to that shrink and working hard might be the best for him...
Thank you, this was a very good chapter, cannot wait to see what Jack will do !!

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey Jen

Yeah your cliffhangers can be doozys. LOL!

It was a bit of a jaw dropper I agree but a necessary one. Yes it is heartbreaking too but maybe just what is needed.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah sorry PJ but it had to go down this way.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
*hands tissues** Sometimes tough love is the only way to go. As much as ENnis loves him maybe this is the only way to help.

Hugs

Sandy

[identity profile] madbottoms.livejournal.com 2008-06-29 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, action is what was needed and this willbe a catalyst for something to happen.

Hugs

Sandy

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